978-0134202037 Chapter 9 Soluotion Manual

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Chapter 9: Understanding Interpersonal Relationships

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

9.1 Define interpersonal relationships and identify two ways to distinguish among them.

9.2 Identify and differentiate between short-term initial attraction and long-term maintenance

attraction.

9.3 Identify and describe the stages of relational escalation and de-escalation.

9.4 Describe the main components of the three theories that explain relational development.

CHAPTER OUTLINE

I. Interpersonal Relationships Defined

Learning Objective 9.1: Define interpersonal relationships and identify two ways to

distinguish among them.

A. A relationship is a connection you establish when you communicate with another

person. An interpersonal relationship is a perception shared by two people of an

ongoing connection that results in the development of relational expectations and varies

in interpersonal intimacy.

B. Shared Perception

1. Both individuals must share a perception that they have an ongoing relationship.

2. Having a shared perception means interpersonal relationships are transactional; that

is, both partners perceive the relationships similarly.

C. Ongoing Interdependent Connection

1. As a process, the relationship is dynamic, constantly changing and evolving.

2. Being interdependent means each partner relies fairly equally on the other to meet

needs.

D. Relational Expectations

1. As you develop an interpersonal relationship, you and your partner establish

expectations specific to that relationship.

2. At times, expectations are violated, which can create turmoil in the relationship.

3. When something unexpected happens in an intimate relationship, you will probably

use direct information-seeking to reduce your uncertainty.

E. Interpersonal Intimacy

1. Interpersonal intimacy is the degree to which relational partners mutually accept

and confirm each other’s sense of self.

2. We depend on intimate relationships to provide us with information about ourselves

and to bolster our self-confidence.

3. According to sociologist Derek Layder, intimacy is fed by mutual attention to a

partner’s needs for self-esteem and security.

4. We communicate our sense of intimacy to others both directly, through our words,

and indirectly, through actions.

F. Circumstance or Choice

1. Relationships of circumstance are interpersonal relationships that exist because of

life circumstances (e.g., who your family members are, where you work or study, and

so on).

2. Relationships of choice are interpersonal relationships you choose to initiate,

maintain, and, perhaps, terminate.

3. We act and communicate differently in these two types of relationships because the

stakes are different.

4. These categories are not mutually exclusive—relationships of circumstance can also

be relationships of choice.

G. Power

1. Complementary Relationships

a. A complementary relationship is a relationship in which power is divided

unevenly, with one partner dominating and the other submitting.

2. Competitive and Submissive Symmetrical Relationships

a. In symmetrical relationships, both partners behave toward power in the same

way, either both wanting power or both avoiding it.

b. A competitive symmetrical relationship exists when both partners are vying for

power and control of decision making.

c. A submissive symmetrical relationship exists when neither partner wants to

take control or make decisions.

3. Parallel Relationships

a. Most relationships are parallel relationships, where in which power shifts back

and forth between the partners, depending on the situation.

II. Genesis of Interpersonal Relationships: Attraction

Learning Objective 9.2: Identify and differentiate between short-term initial attraction and

long-term maintenance attraction.

A. Attraction acts as the genesis or beginning of interpersonal relationships. Interpersonal

attraction is the degree to which you want to form or maintain an interpersonal

relationship.

1. Interpersonal attraction occurs in the early stage of relational development as short-

term initial attraction: the degree to which we sense a potential for developing an

interpersonal relationship, and you may or may not act on this attraction. Short-term

attraction acts as the impetus to communicate interpersonally.

2. Long-term maintenance attraction is the degree of liking or positive feelings that

motivate us to maintain or escalate a relationship. Through interpersonal

communication, self-disclosure, and continued interactions, we learn information

about others that either fosters or diminishes our long-term maintenance attraction to

them.

3. According to Michael Sunnafrank’s theory of predicted outcome value (POV), we

assess the potential for a relationship to confirm our self-image compared to its

potential costs.

4. Communication and Attraction

a. Short-term initial attraction acts as the impetus to communicate interpersonally.

b. The resulting interpersonal communication provides additional information that

might contribute to long-term maintenance attraction.

B. Sources of Initial Attraction

1. Proximity

a. Proximity refers to the physical nearness to another that promotes

communication and thus attraction.

b. Any circumstance that increases the possibilities for interacting is also likely to

increase attraction.

2. Physical Appearance

a. Physical appearance refers to the nonverbal cues that provide us with

information that helps us assess relationship potential (predicted value outcome).

b. Physical attraction is also judged online in the way of an attractive photo, and

unattractive photo, or no photo at all.

c. Positive social interactions and increased liking of another appear to increase how

physically attractive that person appears to others.

d. Sexual attraction also influences interest in forming relationships.

e. In cross-sex romantic relationships, the evolutionary theory of mate selection

suggests that men and women use physical appearance to determine the adequacy

of potential mates.

C. Sources of Both Initial and Long-Term Attraction

1. Competence

a. Competence is the quality of being skilled, intelligent, charismatic, and credible.

b. Intelligence and competence are more important predictors of initial attraction in

eventual romantic relationships than in friendships.

c. We find people credible if they display a blend of enthusiasm, trustworthiness,

competence, and power.

2. Self-Disclosure

a. As relationships progress from initiation to intimacy, further openness increases

attraction.

b. Self-disclosing needs to be appropriate for the level of relational intimacy.

3. Reciprocation of Liking

a. Reciprocation of liking is liking the people who like us.

b. Displaying attraction toward another person seems to have the greatest impact if it

is perceived by the other person as being uniquely directed toward him or her.

c. We may protect ourselves—“save face”—by assuming the other person does not

like us much.

4. Similarities

a. We are attracted to people on the basis of similarity—we like people who have

comparable personalities, values, upbringing, personal experience, attitudes, and

interests to ours.

b. In the initial stages of a relationship, we try to create a positive and attractive

image.

c. The main reason for placing a positive value on similarity is that it facilitates

communication.

5. Differences and Complementary Needs

a. People who are different from us expose us to new ideas, activities, and

perspectives and prompt self-assessment, but differences can also lead to conflict.

b. Complementary needs are needs that match; each partner contributes something

to the relationship that the other partner needs.

III. Stages of Interpersonal Relationship Development

Learning Objective 9.3: Identify and describe the stages of relational escalation and de–

escalation.

A. Relational development is movement of a relationship from one stage to another, either

toward or away from greater intimacy.

B. Relational Escalation

1. Relational escalation is the movement of a relationship toward greater intimacy

through five stages: preinteraction awareness, acquaintance, exploration,

intensification, and intimacy.

2. Preinteraction Awareness

a. At this stage you might observe someone or even talk with others about him or

her without having any direct interaction; getting information from others about

them is a “passive” strategy.

3. Acquaintance

a. From the impression you formed in the preinteraction awareness stage, you might

decide to interact with the other person; interaction is generally superficial.

b. In the introductions sub-stage, interaction is routine and basic information is

shared.

c. The second sub-stage is casual banter, which consists of talking about

impersonal topics with little or no self-disclosure.

3. Exploration

a. This stage is when you both begin to share more in-depth information about

yourselves, but you will have little physical contact, maintain your social distance,

and limit the amount of time you spend together.

4. Intensification

a. At this stage you will start to depend on each other for self-confirmation and

engage in more risky self-disclosure and you will spend more time together,

increase the variety of activities you share, decrease physical distance, and

personalize your language; you may also “define” the relationship.

5. Intimacy

a. At this stage the two partners turn to each other for confirmation and acceptance

of their selves; communication is highly personalized and synchronized.

In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion

Improving Your Communication Skills: Graphing Your Relationship Changes

This feature asks students to think about one interpersonal relationship that they have had for a

year. On the graph provided, students plot their estimated time spent at each of the relationship

escalation stages. Afterward, have students work in small groups to compare their graphs and

engage in a discussion about how different interpersonal relationships develop.

C. Relational De-Escalation

1. Relational de-escalation is the movement that occurs when a relationship decreases

in intimacy or comes to an end. This is not just a reversal of the relationship

formation process. A post-intimacy relationship occurs when partners de-escalate

from the intimate stage but still maintain a relationship.

2. Turmoil or Stagnation

a. This stage is when an intimate relationship is not going well.

b. Turmoil involves an increase in conflict and the definition of the relationship

seems to lose its clarity, and mutual acceptance declines.

c. Stagnation occurs when the relationship loses its vitality and the partners become

complacent.

d. At this stage the partners in a stagnating relationship tend to go through the

motions of an intimate relationship without the commitment.

3. Deintensification

a. In this stage the partners decrease their interactions, increase their physical,

emotional, and psychological distance, and decrease their dependence on the other

for self-confirmation.

4. Individualization

a. Here the partners tend to define their lives more as individuals and less as a

couple, and the perspective changes from “we” and “us” to “you” and “me.”

5. Separation

a. In the separation stage, individuals make an intentional decision to eliminate or

minimize further interpersonal interaction.

b. Partners will divide property, resources, and friends.

c. Circumstances such as attending the same classes, working in the same office, or

sharing the same circle of friends and activities might lead to continued contact

with an “ex.”

6. Post-separation Effects

a. Although the partners may not interact any longer, the effect of the relationship is

not over.

b. In this final stage we engage in “grave–dressing”; we create a public statement for

people who ask why we broke up and also come to grips with losing the

relationship.

D. Principles Underlying Relational Stages

1. You can choose to remain in a given relational stage.

2. Speed of progressing through the stages varies.

3. Changes in relationships are signaled.

a. Turning points are specific events or interactions that signal positive or negative

changes in a relationship.

b. A causal turning point is an event that directly affects the relationship, such as

when a significant lie from a friend causes you to end the relationship.

c. A reflective turning point signals a change that has occurred in the definition of

the relationship.

4. Change occurs within each stage.

5. Change occurs between stages.

6. Movement through the stages can be forward, backward, or on-again/off-again.

7. Relational development involves negotiating change.

IV. Theories of Interpersonal Relationship Development

Learning Objective 9.4: Describe the main components of the three theories that explain

relational development.

A. Filtering is a process of reducing the number of partners at each stage of relational

development by applying selection criteria.

B. Social Exchange Theory

1. Social exchange theory suggests that people make relationship decisions by

assessing and comparing the costs and rewards; we seek the greatest reward for the

lowest cost.

a. Rewards are the positive outcomes we receive by being in the relationship.

b. Costs are negative outcomes that reflect a loss, such as a loss of time or a loss of

freedom.

c. Rewards and costs affect our decisions to escalate, maintain, or terminate a

relationship.

2. Immediate and Forecasted Rewards and Costs

a. Relationships can be evaluated in terms of immediate, forecasted, and cumulative

rewards and costs.

b. Immediate rewards and costs are the rewards and costs associated with a

relationship at the present moment.

c. Forecasted rewards and costs are the rewards and costs that an individual

assumes will occur, based on projection and prediction.

3. Cumulative Rewards and Costs

a. Cumulative rewards and costs are those accrued during a relationship.

b. You create a relational savings account of extra rewards accrued in a relationship.

You can draw on that savings account during times when the relationship is not

going well.

4. Expected Rewards and Costs

a. Expected rewards and costs are expectations of how much reward we “should”

get from a given relationship in relation to its costs.

b. We develop a mental model (or ideal type) of our best friend, ideal lover,

coworker, etc. We use this imagery to assess current relationships.

5. Comparison to Alternatives

a. We also compare our current relationship to the rewards and costs we forecast for

other potential relationships.

b. We compare our current relationships to previous ones, to the ideal, and to

potential ones.

C. Relational Dialectics Theory

1. Relational dialectics theory views relational management as the management of

tensions that are pulling us in two directions at the same time (connectedness-

autonomy; predictability-novelty; and openness-closedness).

2. Identifying Dialectical Tensions

a. Connectedness versus Autonomy: We desire to connect with others and to

become interdependent, and at the same time we have a desire to remain

autonomous and independent.

b. Predictability versus Novelty (Certainty versus Uncertainty): Knowing what to

expect reduces uncertainty. However, we are bored by constant repetition and are

therefore attracted to novelty and the unexpected.

c. Openness versus Closedness: We wish to disclose information to others and to

hear those we are attracted to disclose to us. In a way, we want total openness

with our partners. On the other hand, we value our privacy and feel compelled to

hold back information.

3. Using Dialectical Tensions to Explain Relational Movement

a. According to dialectical theory, each pair of tensions is present in every

relationship, but the impact of each changes as a relationship progresses.

b. Movement in relationships can be seen as a shift that occurs because of more pull

from one of the two forces in tension.

c. There is a similarity to social exchange theory, in that you weigh costs (giving up

autonomy) against rewards (becoming connected).

d. Movement in relationships is seen to occur because some element of tension has

been resolved or overcome.

4. Coping with Dialectical Tensions (Praxis)

a. There are strategies for dealing with the connectedness-autonomy tension,

including denial and disorientation, cyclic alternation, segmentation, moderation,

recalibration, and reframing.

b. Being in relationships means you are in a constant state of dialectical tension and

you must develop and apply various coping strategies if the relationships are to

succeed.

In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion

#communicationandtechnology: Do Cell Phones Threaten Your Autonomy?

This feature includes research about the history of cell phone use and the frequency of college

students who own and use cell phones. Hold a class discussion about how the advent of cell

phones has changed the expectations that others hold about communication within a relationship.

D. Self-Disclosure and Social Penetration Theory

1. The main premise of social penetration theory is that the movement toward

intimacy is connected to increased breadth and depth of self-disclosing.

2. Understanding the Social Penetration Model

a. The social penetration model starts with a circle that represents all of the

potential information about yourself that you could disclose to someone.

b. This circle is divided into many pieces like a pie, with each piece of pie

representing a particular aspect of yourself, and these pieces represent the

breadth of information available about you.

c. The depth refers to how personal or intimate the information is.

d. Social penetration is like an onion, where each layer of the onion is peeled away

as you move toward the onion core.

3. Enhancing Intimacy by Self-Disclosing Over Time

a. Simply disclosing information about yourself is no guarantee that your

relationship will become intimate.

b. As we mutually self-disclose, we often discover incompatibilities or even

negative information, which may lead to relational de-escalation.

c. Typically, a large amount of low-risk self-disclosure takes place in the early

stages of relational development, and that amount decreases as the relationship

becomes more and more intimate.

d. Relationships experience periods of marked increases and decreases in the amount

and intimacy of self-disclosure, reflecting some change in the relationship.

e. Interpersonal relationships cannot achieve intimacy without self-disclosure.

4. Characteristics of Self-Disclosure

a. Self-disclosing is moderated by rules and boundaries. Communication privacy

management theory suggests that each of us has our own boundaries and rules

for sharing personal information.

b. Self-disclosure usually occurs in small increments.

In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion

Relating to Diverse Others: Cultural Differences in Self-Disclosure

People’s cultural backgrounds influence the kinds of information and they reveal to others and

the level of intimacy with that information. This feature presents research on cultural differences

regarding self-disclosure. Hold a class discussion where students talk about how to be other-

oriented when engaging in self-disclosures with people from different cultural backgrounds.

c. Self-disclosure moves from less personal to more personal information.

i. Level 5: Cliché communication

ii. Level 4: Facts and biographical information

iii. Level 3: Attitudes and personal ideas

iv. Level 2: Personal feelings

v. Level 1: Peak or gut level communication

d. Self-disclosure is reciprocal.

i. The dyadic effect is a term used to describe the reciprocal nature of self-

disclosure: “You disclose to me, and I’ll disclose to you.”

ii. We sometimes employ the dyadic effect as a strategy to gain information

about others.

iii. In closer relationships, we might not reciprocate during a given interaction,

but we expect reciprocation over the course of the relationship.

e. Self-disclosure involves risk and requires trust.

i. We would be more likely to share a family secret if: (a) we found out that our

communication partner had a similar problem and revealing the secret would

help him or her; (b) we thought the secret would eventually come to light

anyway; (c) there was some urgency in revealing the secret such that

continuing to hide the secret creates more problems than revealing it; (d) we

thought the family member would not mind if the secret were told; (e) it

seemed normal and natural given the topic of conversation.

ii. Looking for clues to validate or invalidate an online claim is called

warranting.

f. Self-disclosure reflects perceptions about the nature of your relationships.

i. What you reveal about yourself to others and what others reveal to you about

themselves provides important information about how each of you perceives

the quality, intimacy, and nature of your relationships.

ii. Interpreting the level of intimacy based on what a person discloses is

challenging.

iii. What is risky and intimate to one person might not be perceived that way to

another.

In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion

Improving Your Communication Skills: Self-Disclosure as a Dance

This feature asks students to think about self-disclosure as a dance and provides strategies for

students to improve their own self-disclosure, while also encouraging their relational partners to

self-disclose. Pair each student with a student that he or she hardly knows. Have pairs practice

the different strategies in this feature as students get to know one another and practice self-

disclosing information about themselves.

In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion

Applying an Other-Orientation to Understanding Interpersonal Relationships

This feature asks students to examine current interpersonal relationships that they have with

other people and consider relationships at different stages of the relational development process.

Have students independently complete the questions within this feature as they consider their

different relationships. Then pair students to discuss their reflections and compare similarities

and differences in relational development.

KEY TERMS

relationship, LO 9.1

interpersonal relationship,

LO 9.1

interpersonal intimacy,

LO 9.1

relationship of

circumstance, LO 9.1

relationship of choice,

LO 9.1

complementary

relationship, LO 9.1

symmetrical relationship,

LO 9.1

competitive symmetrical

relationship, LO 9.1

submissive symmetrical

relationship, LO 9.1

parallel relationship,

LO 9.1

interpersonal attraction,

LO 9.2

short-term initial

attraction, LO 9.2

long-term maintenance

attraction, LO 9.2

proximity, LO 9.2

physical appearance,

LO 9.2

competence, LO 9.2

reciprocation of liking,

LO 9.2

similarity, LO 9.2

complementary needs,

LO 9.2

relational development,

LO 9.3

relational escalation,

LO 9.3

introductions, LO 9.3

casual banter, LO 9.3

relational de-escalation,

LO 9.3

post-intimacy relationship,

LO 9.3

turning point, LO 9.3

causal turning point,

LO 9.3

reflective turning point,

LO 9.3

filtering, LO 9.4

social exchange theory,

LO 9.4

immediate rewards and

costs, LO 9.4

forecasted rewards and

costs, LO 9.4

cumulative rewards and

costs, LO 9.4

expected rewards and

costs, LO 9.4

relational dialectics theory,

LO 9.4

social penetration theory,

LO 9.4

social penetration model,

LO 9.4

breadth, LO 9.4

depth, LO 9.4

communication privacy

management theory,

LO 9.4

dyadic effect, LO 9.4

warranting, LO 9.4

LECTURE TOPICS

1. Which of the theories of interpersonal relationship development best explains the way that

you escalate and de-escalate relationships with others? Why?

2. How has the advent of social media changed the ways that individuals escalate and de-

escalate relationships?

3. How has the advent of social media changed the attraction process?

GROUP IN-CLASS ACTIVITIES FOR SKILL DEVELOPMENT

1. Discussion on Charisma. According to the textbook, charismatic people attract us with their

charm and demeanor. We find people credible if they display a blend of enthusiasm,

trustworthiness, competence, and power. In groups of three to fivc, students should begin by

making a list of people they believe are charismatic. Then, they should determine WHAT

makes each of those people charismatic. Finally, they should determine if they would find

those people appropriate for an interpersonal relationship based on that charisma and explain

why or why not. A large-class discussion on charisma as an attraction in interpersonal

relationships may follow.

2. Participant Observations. If this class falls on a nice day, invite students to join you on the

campus plaza or some other place where students gather. Instruct them to inconspicuously

observe other student dyads walking around campus. As students take notes, ask them to

consider what they can discern about the stage and character of the relationships they observe

from students’ posture, distance from each other, touching behaviors, facial expressions,

open and closed body positions, and so on. Also, ask students to draw on material from the

chapter on nonverbal communication, as well as on the stages of relational escalation

material from this chapter. In the following class, have them report on their findings.

3. Video Application—Jerry Maguire. The movie Jerry Maguire (starring Tom Cruise, Renee

Zellweger, and Cuba Gooding Jr.) clearly presents the stages of relational escalation and

relational de-escalation. You could show the movie in its entirety, with a discussion

following, or, you could select from a number of scenes that illustrate various dimensions of

interpersonal relationships. One particularly compelling scene occurs right after Jerry

Maguire (Cruise) begins trying to de-escalate his relationship with Dorothy (Zellweger).

Their relationship had progressed very quickly toward intimacy, and Jerry has become

nervous and somewhat disillusioned with the commitment the relationship requires. In a very

powerful illustration of relational de-escalation, Jerry places Dorothy’s son (to whom he has

become quite attached) between them on their bed. Both verbal and nonverbal cues make

clear what is going on in the relationship. In another scene, Cuba Gooding Jr., playing the

role of a star athlete, helps Jerry understand what he must do if he is to save the relationship

(“If you love her . . . you got to tell her.”). This is an excellent movie for illustrating a host of

concepts related to interpersonal communication, especially in the area of romantic

interpersonal relationships.

HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS

1. Power in Marital Relationships: “Analyzing My Parents’ Marriage.” Ask students to

write about the marriage or relationship of the people who raised them. Was/is the

relationship complementary, symmetrical (competitive symmetrical or submissive

symmetrical), parallel, or some combination of these? How does the way they see their

parents’ marriage compare with and relate to how they see the ideal balance of power in their

own current or future marriage relationship? In the dating relationships they have had, how

was power negotiated, and what form(s) did the relationships take? Students from single-

parent homes might write about the advantages and disadvantages of having all (or most) of

the parental power concentrated in one person.

2. Predicting the Future. The theory of predicted outcome value (POV) suggests that we

assess the potential for any given relationship to meet our need for self-image confirmation

and weigh that assessment against the potential costs. Have students recall how each met his

or her best friend and, if applicable, his or her significant other. Then, have students write

two to three paragraphs on how POV was applied in those early interactions. As they begin

to write about those meetings, ask students to also write on “What if POV was wrong or had

let you down that time? What if you had NOT chosen your current best friend or significant

other?”

3. Applying Social Exchange Theory to Close Relationships. Ask students to think of a

relationship from the past or present. Using the social exchange theory, ask them to analyze

the relationship based on the rewards and costs.

Immediate rewards

Immediate costs

Forecasted rewards

Forecasted costs

Cumulative rewards

Cumulative costs

Expected rewards

Expected costs

Based on your analysis, what is the predicted outcome?

REVEL WRITING EXERCISES

Journal Writing

9.1 Journal: Changing a Relationship. What can a person do to preserve a friendship after

failing in his or her attempt to escalate the relationship to romance? What strategies might a

person use in rejecting another person’s attempt to escalate a relationship? How might those

strategies be affected by the kind of relationship they had before?

9.2 Journal: Short-Term Attraction. Under what circumstances is it appropriate to act on your

initial short-term attraction toward another person? Under what circumstances is it

inappropriate?

9.3 Journal: Relational Stages. If two people have agreed to maintain a relationship below the

highest level in the model of relational stages (the intimacy stage), how ethical is it for one of the

people to nonetheless continually try to move the relationship to the intimacy stage?

9.4 Journal: Ending a Relationship. How ethical is it to intentionally increase the cost and

reduce the rewards for a relational partner as a strategy for ending the relationship?

Shared Writing: Sharing Power

Working in groups, discuss the ways partners share power or decision-making responsibilities

when deciding what to make for dinner—or whether they should eat out. Consider how the

decision-making process would progress for the following types of relationships:

complementary, competitive symmetrical, submissive symmetrical, and parallel. What factors

would impact whether the couple would have a conflict over this decision or not?