978-0134202037 Chapter 10 Soluotion Manual

subject Type Homework Help
subject Pages 9
subject Words 5378
subject Authors Mark V. Redmond, Steven A. Beebe, Susan J. Beebe

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Copyright ©2017, 2014, 2011 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
1
Chapter 10: Managing Relationship Challenges
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
10.1 Identify and explain the challenges that individuals involved in interpersonal relationships
must navigate to be successful.
10.2 Describe the issues that constitute the dark side of interpersonal communication and those
that constitute the dark side of interpersonal relationships.
10.3 Explain the process of relational de-escalation and termination, including strategies for
terminating and recovering.
CHAPTER OUTLINE
I. Relationship and Communication Challenges
Learning Objective 10.1: Identify and explain the challenges that individuals involved in
interpersonal relationships must navigate to be successful.
A. Violating Expectations
1. Understanding Relational Expectations and Violations
a. Socially Based Expectations
i. People have social expectations for what it means to be a particular type of
partner (e.g., husband, girlfriend, friend).
ii. Violations of socially based expectations arouse uncertainty and produce
emotional reactions such as hurt and anger.
b. Relationship-Specific Expectations
i. People develop implicit and explicit expectations specific to their relationship.
ii. Implicit understandings represent an unspoken compact between the partners
about the relationship and each other.
iii. Explicit understandings are stated compacts and agreements.
iv. A failure event or transgression is an incident marked by the breaking of a
relational understanding or agreement.
v. Effective management of a failure event can clarify expectations as well as the
relationship.
c. Severity
i. Failure events vary in their severity and impact on relationships.
ii. Failure events can include relational transgressions, such as sexual
transgressions, nonsexual involvement with others, deception, flirting,
betraying a trust, breaking a promise, continued attachment to former partners,
or failing to return affection.
iii. Relationships can be strengthened by discussing relational expectations and
violations and seeking to understand your partner’s assessment of the severity
of any violation.
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2. Responding with Discussion
a. Failure events follow a specific pattern of interaction that involves specific
decisions.
i. Has a failure event actually occurred?
ii. Does this transgression violate the culture’s inherent moral code?
iii. Did both parties agree to and understand the rule?
iv. Was the rule appropriate and acceptable?
b. The decision to complain or reproach a partner should be driven by desire to
clarify relational expectations or to avoid the failure event in the future by
modifying the partner’s behaviors.
c. A reproach is a message that a failure event has occurred and may be conveyed
directly or indirectly.
i. Reproaches vary from aggravating (threatening and severe) to mitigating
(mild).
ii. The nature of the reproach affects the account (the response to the reproach).
iii. If a person knows he or she has failed to live up to an expectation, he or she
may self-initiate an account.
d. Accounts are responses to reproaches, and these may be in the form of apologies,
excuses, justifications, or denials or may not come at all.
i. In providing an account to another, you should examine your culpability and
adopt an other-oriented perspective.
ii. Once an account has been received, reproachers must decide whether they
find the account acceptable and whether they consider the issue resolved.
3. Responding with Forgiveness
a. Vincent Waldron and Douglas Kelley offer seven steps to achieving forgiveness:
i. Confront the transgression.
ii. Manage emotion.
iii. Engage in sense making.
iv. Seek forgiveness.
v. Grant forgiveness.
vi. Negotiate values and rules.
vii. Transition, monitor, maintain, or renegotiate.
b. Whether forgiveness is achieved is ultimately dependent on a number of factors,
such as personality (including the ability to empathize), the quality of the
relationship, the nature of the transgression (its severity), sincere acknowledgment
of responsibility, and the perceived intentionality and selfishness of the
transgressor.
c. Deciding to forgive is also affected by the responses provided by our confidants.
d. Forgiving is more likely when these third parties help us gain a new perspective
on the transgression, provide practical advice, and encourage us to forgive our
partner.
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In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion
Improving Your Communication Skills: Trait Forgiveness
This feature includes a scale for students to assess their trait forgiveness. Have students
independently complete the scale. Afterward, have students reflect individually on which scores
could be improved and identify bullet points about specific improvements that could be made.
4. Responding with Retaliation
a. Retaliation involves an attempt to hurt the partner in response to the hurt she or he
has caused.
b. Retaliation behaviors can include aggressive communication, active distancing,
manipulation attempts, contacting a rival, and violence.
5. Examining a Model of Forgiveness Responses
a. The model helps to explain why a severe offense in an unsatisfying relationship is
likely to evoke retaliation, whereas a severe offense in a valued relationship is
likely to evoke a conditional response, granting forgiveness on a trial basis.
b. Whether that relationship will continue is probably dependent on whether the
victim has alternative relationships available.
B. Challenging Communication: Addressing Grief and Delivering Bad News
1. When talking with someone who is grieving, socially decenter and think about how
you would like to be treated.
a. Apply confirming listening skills, provide support, and engage in comforting
communication.
2. Another challenge is delivering bad news, which tends to create stress in both the
messenger and recipient.
a. Bad news is information that is unknown but relevant to the recipient and that the
messenger believes will have negative repercussions.
b. Four strategies occur when doctors deliver bad news to patients: direct, indirect,
comforting, and empowerment.
c. In one study of doctors delivering bad news to patients, researchers found
satisfaction for each message depended on the content and the manner in which it
was presented.
C. Maintaining Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs)
1. The Nature of the Separation
a. Each long-distance relationship requires specific maintenance strategies to be
successfully managed.
b. While temporary separation requires some adjustment and management by the
partners, permanent physical separation produces different expectations,
interactions, and relational management strategies.
c. Other separations may be by choice and may raise questions about relational
commitment.
2. Effects of Time Between Visits
a. How often partners are able to get together face to face also affects the impact of
the physical distance.
b. Sometimes partners are relatively close geographically but limited in how often
they can get together.
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c. Research has indicated that people who are in long-distance romantic
relationships but who are able to get together at least once a week can maintain
relationships similar to those between people who are physically close.
d. This distance may make it easier to maintain an idealized image of a romantic
relationship when you do not spend as much time with your partner.
i. Researchers Laura Stafford and James Reske found that couples in long-
distance premarital relationships had less communication but greater
satisfaction and higher expectations of the likelihood of marriage.
ii. Couples who are apart have fewer facts about their partners to get in the way.
3. Costs and Rewards
a. Social exchange theory offers one way to analyze the survival of a long-distance
relationship.
b. Distance adds to the costs of maintaining a relationship: monetary costs and time
involved in commuting and the disruption of normal routines.
c. These costs are weighed against the rewards of how well the relationship meets
needs and expectations.
d. Some relationships continue for a lifetime, even with little face-to-face time,
because the rewards of interacting far exceed any costs.
4. Tensions Created by LDRs
a. Tensions may arise when one person tries to maintain both long-distance and
proximal relationships.
b. Long-distance couples also create tensions when they try so hard not to waste
their time together that they over-plan activities, discussion topics, and even sex.
c. The more open and honest the communication, the more similar your long-
distance relationship will be to a proximal relationship.
D. Relationships That Challenge Social Norms
1. When social norms are violated, partners feel social pressure to conform or risk being
ostracized.
2. Partners in intercultural relationships face the challenge of communicating and
interacting effectively and may also confront bias.
3. Finding similarities in culture and values is one way to offset conflicts associated
with differences.
a. Gay and lesbian relationships often face strong social hostility but may be
supported by social networks.
b. Nonsexual relationships between heterosexuals and homosexuals may be
influenced by the sexual orientation of one of the participants.
In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion
Improving Your Communication Skills: Friends with a Difference
This feature asks students to think about friends they know or imagine a friendship with someone
who is from each of the following groups: (a) someone at least ten years older than you; (b)
someone from a country where people speak a different language than you; (c) someone with a
different sexual orientation; (d) someone of a different race; and (e) someone of a different
religion. After students to think of a person for each category, and have them work with a partner
to discuss the questions provided in this feature.
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II. The Dark Side of Interpersonal Communication and Relationships
Learning Objective 10.2: Describe the issues that constitute the dark side of interpersonal
communication and those that constitute the dark side of interpersonal relationships.
A. Deception
1. Mark Knapp determined that different lies have different stakes.
2. According to interpersonal deception theory, individuals intentionally and
strategically manipulate information to achieve some goal, while others listen and
evaluate the truthfulness of that information.
a. To avoid being caught, deceivers implement deception strategies and monitor
listeners’ responses.
b. Listeners might accept the deception without pause, express skepticism, or
blatantly challenge the deception.
c. Each listener reaction lets the deceiver know his or her next course of action.
3. Deception by Omission (Concealment)
a. We can present information and leave out information in such a way as to
intentionally mislead the listener.
b. We can also intentionally hold back some of the information another person has
requested or that you are expected to share.
c. Deception by omission (concealment) might be considered a failure event for
violating relational expectations.
4. Deception by Commission (Lying)
a. Deception by commission (lying) is the deliberate presentation of false
information.
b. White lies typically involve only a slight degree of falsification that has a
minimal consequence.
c. Exaggeration or embellishing the facts can also be used.
d. Baldfaced lies are outright falsifications of information intended to deceive the
receiver and have more impact on the behavior of those that hear them than the
other types of deception.
e. The emotional impact of the deception is related to the importance of the
relationship, the importance of the information, and the importance people place
on honesty.
5. Reasons for Deception
a. Two general categories for reasons for lying include being altruistic and being
self-serving.
b. Altruistic motivation comes from our concerns about not hurting others.
c. Self-serving motivation comes from our concerns about our personal gain or to
avoid undesirable consequences.
d. These categories include a number of specific reasons for deception:
i. To gain resources (material resources or intangible goals)
ii. To avoid harm or loss of resources (preventing another’s negative reaction or
to save resources)
iii. To protect one’s self-image
iv. For entertainment
v. To protect another person’s resources, self-image, or safety
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6. Effects of Deception
a. Incorrect decision making or actions
b. Harm to relationships
c. Loss of trust
d. Harm to innocent bystanders
e. Additional harm of punishment, embarrassment, guilty conscience, or damaged
reputation
B. Communication That Hurts Feelings
1. When people discover that they have been deceived, they usually feel betrayed,
foolish, angry, and/or hurt.
2. Disconfirming responses are messages that hurt listeners by undermining their sense
of self-esteem.
3. As the perceived intentionality of hurtful messages increases, so does the emotional
pain.
4. Researchers have identified three general categories of reactions to messages that
hurt:
a. Active verbal responses are reactive statements such as counterattacks, self-
defense statements, sarcastic statements, and demands for explanations.
b. Acquiescent responses include crying, conceding, or apologizing.
c. Invulnerable responses include ignoring the message, laughing, or being silent
in an attempt to show that the message did not hurt.
5. Research indicates that people are more hurt by messages from family members than
by nonmembers and that romantic relationships are more damaged by hurtful
messages than family, nonfamily, or nonromantic relationships are.
6. The way the message is conveyed also affects its impact, with harsh, abrasive
messages creating greater hurt.
7. The quality of the relationship at the time of the message also affects people’s
perceptions of a hurtful message.
8. Hurtful messages are probably unavoidable in interpersonal relationships, but how
you respond and manage the impact of those messages makes the difference in the
level of satisfaction and happiness you feel in your relationships.
9. A strong other-orientation is needed if you are going to monitor the impact of your
messages on others.
C. Jealousy
1. Envy is a discontented feeling that arises from a desire for something someone else
has. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing a valued relationship.
2. Cognitive jealousy is thoughts about the loss of a partner, reflections on decreases in
the partner’s time for the other, and analyses of behaviors or occurrences deemed
suspicious. Emotional or affective jealousy includes the feelings of anger, hurt,
distrust, worry, or concern aroused by the threat of losing a relationship. Behavioral
jealousy represents actions taken to monitor or alter a partner’s jealousy-evoking
activity.
3. Sometimes concern about loss of the relationship arises because of the presence of a
third party, but it can also result from outside factors that jeopardize the relationship.
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4. Using Jealousy as a Tactic
a. Among the tactics people use to make another person jealous are distancing,
flirtation façade, and relational alternatives.
b. The use of jealousy as a tactic to improve a relationship by getting the partner to
pay more attention to you or to display greater commitment is risky.
5. Managing Jealousy
a. Concern about the possible loss of, or a significant change in, a relationship is
neither inappropriate nor unusual.
b. Jealousy reflects uncertainty about our value and the relationship.
c. A jealous partner has a number of options, including:
i. Accept or ignore the change in the relationship.
ii. Seek information.
iii. Express the jealousy.
iv. Seek to identify and repair any relational problems.
d. Calmly expressing feelings, presenting oneself in a positive manner, and
expressing caring are viewed more positively than displaying violence, being
insulting or threatening, or confronting a rival.
e. Expressing jealousy can arouse uncertainty in the partner, particularly when the
jealousy is expressed indirectly through crying or acting hurt or depressed.
f. Sensitivity and responsiveness to both partners’ commitment to the relationship
can help avoid or minimize jealousy.
D. Unwanted Attention
1. Obsessive Relational Intrusion (ORI)
a. Obsessive relational intrusion (ORI) describes repeated invasion of a person’s
privacy by a stranger or acquaintance that desires or assumes a close relationship.
b. Unlike stalking, ORI is usually annoying and frustrating but not threatening.
c. ORI is marked by behaviors such as unregulated self-disclosing; trying to get the
other person to disclose; offering unwanted gifts, notes, or calls, and other
expressions of affection; arranging coincidental meetings; and expressing a desire
for physical contact.
d. There is a fine line between trying to hang on to or pursue a relationship and
becoming obsessive.
e. It is the repeated and sustained display of these behaviors after rejection that
indicates ORI.
2. Stalking
a. Stalking involves repeated, unwelcome intrusions that create concern for personal
safety and fear in the target.
b. Stalking can be thought of as an extreme form of ORI.
c. Three recommendations for addressing ORI and stalking:
i. Harden the target: Make it harder for someone to contact you.
ii. Keep others appraised: Let family, friends, coworkers, and others know about
your situation.
iii. Avoidance: After telling the intruder or stalker to leave you alone, you should
avoid any further contact.
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E. Relational Violence
1. Relational violence refers to the range of destructive behaviors aimed at other
people, including aggressiveness, threats, violent acts, and verbal, psychological, and
physical abuse.
2. Sociologist Michael Johnson separates partner violence into three types:
a. Intimate terrorism
b. Violent resistance
c. Situational couple violence
3. Males are responsible for almost all intimate terrorism, females for violent resistance,
and both men and women engage in situational couple violence, which is the most
frequent form of relational violence.
4. Acts of relational violence are a form of communication.
5. Acts of relational violence communicate anger, frustration, lack of control, and
disregard for a partner and the relationship while instilling fear and engendering
retaliation, counterattacks, and subversion.
6. Intimate violence is not really about power or gender, but rather reflects a process of
face-threat, negative emotional arousal, conflict, emotional intensification, attack, and
self-protection, building to frustration with irresolvable conflicts and provoking
further aggressive communication and acts of violence.
7. Avoiding relational violence is a strong reason for improving interpersonal
communication skills.
In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion
#communicationandtechnology: Cyberstalking, Cyberbullying, and Partner Surveillance
This feature presents research on the dark side of electronically mediated communication
(EMC), focusing on cyberstalking, cyberbullying, and partner surveillance. General rules about
how students can protect privacy are also included. Hold a class discussion about how students
protect their privacy from others.
III. Relationship De-Escalation and Termination
Learning Objective 10.3: Explain the process of relational de-escalation and termination,
including strategies for terminating and recovering.
A. Signs of Relationship Problems
1. Because each stage in a relationship has unique communication qualities, specific
verbal and nonverbal cues can tip us off when a relationship begins to de-escalate.
2. John Gottman identified four categories of communication behavior that indicate
increasing problems in a marriage:
a. Criticisms
b. Contempt
c. Defensive behaviors
d. Stonewalling
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In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion
Relating to Diverse Others: Women’s and Men’s Responses to Relationship Challenges
This feature presents research on the differences between men and women in their management
of relationship challenges. Hold a class discussion in which students talk about how, if at all,
they have noticed sex differences in their own relational experiences.
B. Repair and Rejuvenation
1. The nature of the problem, the stage of the relationship, and an assortment of
relational qualities all affect the success of repair efforts.
2. Professional counseling might be an important option.
3. The ability to rejuvenate a relationship depends on the degree to which partners
recognize the reasons for relational decay and the level of their interest in
rejuvenating the relationship.
4. Rejuvenation is usually conducted through implicit moves rather than direct
discussion.
C. The Decision to End a Relationship
1. If you choose to change the level of intimacy in a relationship, consider your goals.
2. The de-escalation and termination of a relationship is not inherently bad.
3. Not all relationships are meant to endure.
4. Ending a relationship may be a healthy move if the relationship is harmful or does not
provide confirmation of our sense of self.
5. Breaking up an intimate relationship is hard because of the degree to which we
become dependent on the other person to confirm our sense of self.
6. In bilateral dissolutions, both parties are predisposed to ending the relationship and
simply need to sort out the details.
7. In unilateral dissolutions, when one party wants the relationship to continue, the
person who wants to end the relationship often tries to persuade his or her partner to
break up.
D. How Relationships End
1. Fading Away
a. Sometimes a relationship ends by fading awaythe two partners just drift further
and further apart, spend less time together, and decrease their self-disclosure.
2. Sudden Death
a. Some relationships have an abrupt and unplanned ending of sudden death,
frequently due to a single precipitating event.
3. Incrementalism
a. In between fading away and sudden death lies incrementalismthe systematic
progression of a relationship through each of the de-escalation stages.
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E. Reasons for De-Escalating and Terminating
1. One researcher found that most people attribute breakups to one of three main causes:
a. “Faults” are problems with personality traits or behaviors that one partner dislikes
in the other and are the most commonly named cause.
b. “Unwillingness to compromise” represents a variety of failings on the part of one
or both partners, including failure to put enough effort into the relationship, a
decrease in effort, or failure to make concessions for the good of the relationship.
c. “Feeling constrained” reflects one partner’s desire to be free from the
commitments and constraints of a relationship.
2. A variety of other factors may contribute, such as loss of interest, desire for
independence, and conflicting attitudes about issues affecting the relationship.
3. Just as there are behavioral rules for making and maintaining friends, there are
behaviors that will most certainly cost you a friendship:
a. Acting jealous or being critical
b. Discussing confidences with others
c. Not volunteering in time of need
d. Not trusting or confiding in your friend
e. Criticizing in public
f. Not showing positive regard
g. Not standing up for your friend in his or her absence
h. Not being tolerant of your friend’s other friends
i. Not showing emotional support
j. Nagging your friend
4. Reasons for ending same-sex friendships include physical separation, replacing old
friends with new ones as circumstances change, a change in attitudes about a friend’s
behavior or personality, and one friend’s dating activity or romantic relationships.
5. Close friendships are better able to withstand change, uncertainty, and separation than
are casual friendships.
In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion
Relating to Diverse Others: Empathy and Sexual Orientation
This feature presents a personal story written by one of the authors about an experience that he
had at a call center where he was challenged to display empathy to someone who was different
from him. Hold a class discussion about instances when students were challenged to display
empathy toward someone who was different from them.
F. The Relational Dissolution Process
1. Relationship scholar Steve Duck has created a model that emphasizes the phases or
processes tied to relational dissolution decision making and related social
interactions.
2. Intrapsychic Phase
a. In the first phase of Duck’s model, the intrapsychic phase, we privately evaluate
our partner’s behaviors.
b. Social exchange theory predicts that in this phase we would evaluate the
relationship’s costs and rewards and end relationships when they cost us more
than they reward us.
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11
c. From time to time we all become frustrated with a relationship, and perhaps even
enter the intrapsychic phase.
d. After evaluating our relationship in the intrapsychic phase, we might pass another
threshold where we feel compelled to move to the next phase.
3. Confidant Phase
a. In the confidant phase, we discuss and evaluate the relationship, our concerns,
and options with someone other than our partner.
b. Confidants may act as mediators, encouraging reconciliation and suggesting ways
to repair the relationship.
4. Dyadic Phase
a. In the dyadic phase, we move from internal contemplations about the relationship
to discussing termination with our partner.
b. If our partner feels challenges and intimidated, we might have to justify our
thoughts and feelings about ending the relationship.
c. Issues may be raised that cause us to choose to work on improving the
relationship rather than ending it.
5. Social Phase
a. If you and your partner agree to end the relationship, you enter the social phase,
and members of the social network surrounding both parties are informed of and
begin making the information public.
b. You begin sharing your story about how the relationship ended, molding it to save
face.
6. Grave-Dressing Phase
a. In the grave-dressing phase, we cover up the hurt and pain associated with the
death of the relationship.
b. One or both partners generate public explanations and move past the relationship.
c. Most important, they go through an internal stage of coming to acceptance of the
end of the relationship.
7. Resurrection Phase
a. During the resurrection phase, we review and adjust our perspectives on self,
others, and relationships, while beginning the pursuit of new, meaningful
relationships and reconstructing relational perspectives.
G. Strategies for Ending Relationships
1. Indirect Termination Strategies
a. Indirect termination strategies represent attempts to break up a relationship
without explicitly stating the desire to do so.
i. Withdrawal: Withdrawal involves reducing the amount of contact and
interaction without any explanation.
ii. Pseudode-escalation: In pseudode-escalation, one partner claims that he or
she wants to redefine the relationship at a lower level of intimacy but, in
reality, he or she wants to end the relationship.
iii. Cost escalation: Cost escalation is an attempt to increase the costs associated
with the relationship to encourage the other person to terminate it.
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2. Direct Termination Strategies
a. Direct termination strategies involve explicit statements of a desire to break up
the relationship.
i. Negative Identity Management: Negative identity management is a direct
statement of the desire to terminate the relationship that does not take into
account the other’s feelings and may include criticisms.
ii. Justification: Justification is a clear statement of the desire to end the
relationship accompanied by an honest explanation of the reasons. It may still
hurt the other’s feelings, but a person who uses justification does not fault the
other and attempts to protect both parties’ sense of self. One researcher found
that most people on the receiving end like this strategy the best
iii. De-escalation: De-escalation is an honest statement of a desire to redefine the
relationship at a lower level of intimacy or to move toward ending the
relationship.
iv. Positive Tone: In using the direct strategy of positive tone, the initiator tries to
affirm the other’s personal qualities and worth at the same time that he or she
calls a halt to the relationship.
H. Recovery Strategies
1. Researcher Ann Weber created a list of strategies to help address grief and loss in
nonmarital breakups.
a. Express your emotions to a sympathetic listener, in a journal, or some other
forum.
b. Figure out what happened.
c. Realize, don’t idealize.
d. Prepare to feel better.
e. Expect to heal.
f. Talk to others.
g. Get some perspective.
h. Be ready for further punishment, or maybe reward.
2. Facing the end of a relationship that has meant a great deal to us is one of the more
difficult experiences we face in our social lives. The more intimate and involved we
become, the more heartbreaking the end. Regrettably, relationships do come to an
end, but just as you develop skills in initiating relationships, you can develop the
ability to cope effectively with their termination, and with reflection, experience
personal growth.
In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion
Communication and Emotion: Assessing Your Emotional Responses to Relationship
Challenges
This feature asks students to consider the emotions they experience when confronting situations
with other people. Have students independently reflect on the ten relational challenges and write
about the initial and subsequent emotional reactions. Then have students works in pairs to
consider the questions.
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13
In-Text Opportunity for Classroom Discussion
Applying an Other-Orientation to Relationship Challenges
This feature includes strategies for students to apply an other-orientation when facing
relationship challenges. Have students work in pairs to identify instances in which they faced a
relationship challenge. Then have students consider how each strategy may be used to overcome
the relationship challenge.
KEY TERMS
failure event or
transgression, LO 10.1
reproach, LO 10.1
account, LO 10.1
interpersonal deception
theory, LO 10.2
deception by omission
(concealment), LO 10.2
deception by commission
(lying), LO 10.2
white lies, LO 10.2
exaggeration, LO 10.2
bald-faced lies, LO 10.2
active verbal responses,
LO 10.2
acquiescent responses,
LO 10.2
invulnerable responses,
LO 10.2
envy, LO 10.2
jealousy, LO 10.2
cognitive jealousy,
LO 10.2
emotional or affective
jealousy, LO 10.2
behavioral jealousy,
LO 10.2
obsessive relational
intrusion (ORI), LO 10.2
stalking, LO 10.2
relational violence,
LO 10.2
bilateral dissolution,
LO 10.3
unilateral dissolution,
LO 10.3
fading away, LO 10.3
sudden death, LO 10.3
incrementalism, LO 10.3
intrapsychic phase,
LO 10.3
confidant phase, LO 10.3
dyadic phase, LO 10.3
social phase, LO 10.3
grave-dressing phase,
LO 10.3
resurrection phase,
LO 10.3
indirect termination
strategies, LO 10.3
direct termination
strategies, LO 10.3
LECTURE TOPICS
1. What are some of the common relationship challenges that you have experienced? What
management strategies have you found to be effective? What management strategies have
you found to be ineffective?
2. What relational expectations do you have a tendency to bring into your relationships? How
do you respond when others violate those relational expectations?
3. How has the advent of social media created relational challenges? How are online relational
challenges managed differently than face-to-face relational challenges?
GROUP IN-CLASS ACTIVITIES FOR SKILL DEVELOPMENT
1. Guest Speaker on Family Violence. Consider inviting a guest professor or attorney who
specializes in family violence to speak to your class. Depending on your students’ interests,
you could bring in someone knowledgeable in a particular sub-specialty in family violence
such as violence against children, sexual violence, marital or partner violence. Have this
speaker talk about his or her perspective on how communication escalates problems with
family violence.
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2. Analyzing Media and Conflict. Select an episode from a television drama, comedy, or
movie that demonstrates the behaviors that can help sustain or harm a relationship. (Even an
episode of a popular soap opera may be useful.) During the clip, ask students to look for
instances of supportive communication, as well as instances in which communication is
harmful. What were the results and outcomes of these communication behaviors? What
activity or behavior preceded the episode of hurtful communication? Ask students to discuss
how the situation could have been handled differently.
3. Breaking Up. Ask students to identify their preferred method for breakups in the past. Have
students form groups based on their strategies. In each group, have students consider and list
all possible positive and negative effects of that particular strategy. Encourage students to
consider the effects on the initiator of the breakup, the receiver of the message, and the
relationship itself. After reports from each group, lead a class discussion aimed at rank-
ordering strategies from most to least humane.
HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS
1. Responding to Failure Events. In a short paper assignment, ask students to identify one or
more “failure events” they have experienced in their relationships. Instruct them to define
“failure event,” explain the type of relationship it occurred in, discuss how they handled it,
and explain what the result was for the relationship. Following this account, they should
evaluate the failure event using concepts and ideas from the text, including what they did
well and things they could have handled differently. Because students may feel
uncomfortable documenting their own failure events, give them the option of writing
(without using names) about a failure event they observed in the relationship of a roommate
or close friend.
2. Interviews and Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs). Ask students to talk to their friends,
parents, and relatives about their long-distance relationships.
What were the circumstances?
What were the outcomes?
How did the relationship change when the partners were close together?
How did it influence their relationship?
How has technology (e-mail and cell phones) influenced the communication between
absent partners and friends?
3. Exploring Support Groups. Ask students to conduct some research about online support
groups, particularly for people who have lost a loved one to divorce or death. In analyzing
the messages within these groups, have students write a reflection in which they consider the
following questions:
What functions do they serve?
Why might some people hesitate to get involved?
What types of activities do they pursue?
How long do people usually continue with the group?
Copyright ©2017, 2014, 2011 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.
15
REVEL WRITING EXERCISES
Journal Writing
10.1 Journal: Long Distance. Daric and Jamie are in an exclusive romantic relationship, but
they have been attending different schools 300 miles apart. Soon they will be graduating and
moving to the same city. What advice can you give them to help ensure the relationship survives
living in the same area again?
10.2 Journal: Discovering Deception. What factors would influence your reaction to the
discovery that another person had deceived you?
10.3 Journal: Ending a Relationship. How do you know when it is time to get out of a
relationship?
Shared Writing: Offending Comments
Working in groups, consider a scenario in which you’re having lunch with a close friend when
you both observe an interracial couple sitting down to eat. Your friend makes a highly
derogatory comment about the couple that offends you. What should you do? What will you do?
Why?

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