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9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-11
9-8. Starting a promotional message immediately with a call to action would not result in the
and benefits, and anticipate purchase objections. Once these points have been addressed,
9-9. If an emotional appeal is used to manipulate an audience’s decision, especially if the
considered ethical. (LO 9.1; AACSB Tag: Ethical understanding and reasoning)
PRACTICE YOUR SKILLS
Exercises for Perfecting Your Writing
9-10. The email uses an effective subject line and introduces common ground: finding ways to
9-11. The email uses the indirect organizational approach. The main idea is not introduced until
communication)
9-12. The subject line is relevant and effective because it deals with cost savings. (LO 9.2;
9-13. The writer uses mostly logical appeals by including specific cost data as well as attaching a
9-14. The audience will benefit by building the company’s image while reducing costs. (LO 9.2;
9-15. The writer establishes credibility by supporting his claims with facts, numbers, and
9-16. The writer reinforces his position with semantics (“let’s meet”), by presenting a win-win
oral communication)
9-17. A Fast, Inexpensive Way to Encourage Teamwork (LO 9.2; AACSB Tag: Written and oral
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-12
9-19. A Simple, Low-Cost Way to Reward our Managers (LO 9.2; AACSB Tag: Written and
oral communication)
9-20. Original sentence focuses on features. Revision to focus on benefits: Clean-up is easy
AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
9-22. Original sentence focuses on features. Revision to focus on benefits: Video action is
Activities
9-23. Whatever suggestions the students offer, they should specifically reference guidelines for
9.2; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
9-24. The message is vague and unprofessional overall. In addition, it exhibits the following
problems:
1. The tone is not professional or businesslike.
2. The last sentence of the first paragraph insults the reader.
Dear Customer Service Representative:
This display is used every day for my business, so it would be difficult to work without it
during the time it would take to ship and repair the defective one. I prefer that you ship
the shipping charges.
If you would prefer to handle this repair some other way, please let me know as soon as
Sincerely,
(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-13
9-25. This message suffers from poor organization. The writer has used a threatening phrase in
the subject line and bluntly finds fault with the reader’s company in the second paragraph
Follow the plan for persuasive requests. Grab attention with a compliment and an appeal to
good business sense. Because this is not a first but a last appeal, build a strong case by
presenting hard-hitting facts about the dangers of ETS. Detail specific costs to CMSI, both
Here is a revised version of the letter:
CMSI
Contract Management Services, Inc.
3638 University Blvd., Suite 302, Houston, Texas 77005-3396
(832) 768-3899 fax: (832) 768-3803 www.cmsi.com
March 22, 2013
Mr. Robert Bechtold, Manager
Kukyendahl Joint, Inc.
88 North Park Road
Houston, TX 77005
Dear Mr. Bechtold:
Re: Secondhand Smoke at 3638 University Blvd., Suite 302
As we have explained before, cigarette smoke from tenants on either side of us, and
perhaps above and below as well, has been infiltrating our space. Known as ETS
We lost one of our top-producing employees last week when she had to quit because the
smoke was reactivating her childhood asthma. This loss is a serious blow to our bottom
line. Another of our employees is in a high-risk category for heart attack, which has also
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-14
As we informed you last month, we tried hiring contractors to apply weather stripping
and seal visible openings. We spent $3,000 in this effort (see attached bills), but we have
still obtained no relief from the smoke infiltration. Enclosed is a summary of recent ETS-
Please resolve this problem immediately. Please provide us with healthy air, refund the
$9,000 we’ve paid in rent since January 1, and reimburse us $3,000 for our repair
expenditures. To make appropriate arrangements, contact me at (832) 768-3899.
for many years to come.
Sincerely,
Kathleen Thomas
Manager
Enclosure
KT:cb
(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
also evident:
letter to solicit opinions and evaluate performance.
2. The second sentence is blunt, as is the tone of the rest of the letter.
We appreciate your business this past year. As any of our repeat customers will tell you,
your satisfaction is our goal. To help us serve you even better, please take a moment to
The whole questionnaire will take less than five minutes to complete, and you’ll be the
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-15
questionnaire by April 30.
At Tolson, we want to take care of all your auto needs. We look forward to hearing from
you soon.
Sincerely,
(LO 9.4; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
9-27. Here are the problematic claims:
1. I am considered (By whom?)
knowledgeable, the most frequently quoted, the best-selling?)
5. authority on employee health-insurance programs (employee health insurance is a vast
facet of this topic).
service? Seems hard to believe.)
7. They also love (“Love” is an awfully strong word to use here.)
9. I am absolutely confident (This sounds arrogant.)
10. every degree of savings possible (This essentially promises perfect service; what expert
Here is a revised version of the message:
average of six hours a week. Given my past experience, I am very eager to thoroughly
analyze your needs and create a portfolio that will offer your company substantial savings.
(LO 9.4; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
9-28. The overall message is blandly presented; the message needs more punch through the use
of action words, colorful verbs and adjectives, and enthusiastic tone. The routine opening
does not fully catch the reader’s attention, and some of the audience will not finish reading
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-16
Add a promotional line to the letterhead and include a headline-style subject line. Pose a
question that highlights the central selling point. Build interest by describing the just-
washed heartbreak of a sudden deluge, using a personalized tone that suits this business.
SCRUBADUB CAR WASHES
Serving car owners from 11 convenient locations
in Massachusetts and Rhode Island
Bob and Dan Paisner, Owners
How would you like a FREE car wash the next time your beauty gets rained on or
thrashed by salt, slush, or snow?
Don’t you just hate it when that happens the day after you’ve had your car washed and
For a mere $5.95 “lifetime membership” (good for as long as you own your car), you get:
Our 48-Hour Express Guarantee: As a Car Care Club member, you get the same
exterior wash FREE if your car gets dirty within 48 hours after your wash.
Simonize (20 days), or Blue Coral (30 days)—as a Club member, you’ll get an instant
$5 rebate!
Members-Only Specials: From time to time, you’ll get good deals available only to
Car Care Club members.
Plus you’ll still get all the ScrubaDub advantages:
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-17
“Touchless” systems to protect your finishes
Water recycling to preserve our environment
And a FREE wash on your birthday!
And don’t forget ScrubaDub’s Bumper-to-Bumper Guarantee: If you’re not satisfied, you
can repeat the wash until you are—or we’ll refund your money.
for your FREE wash!
Remember what Bob and Dan say, “A clean car lasts longer—and looks newer!”
9-29. Using emotional appeals is ethical, unless you have distorted the truth or used words that
can be misinterpreted. Your posting should include clear benefits and allow readers the
freedom to choose. This exercise is a good chance to discuss how peer and company
pressure can make people feel manipulated into contributing to a cause. (LO 9.4; AACSB
Tag: Ethical understanding and reasoning)
EXPAND YOUR SKILLS
Sharpen Your Career Skills Online: This exercise calls upon students to use Bovée and Thill’s
Business Communication Web Search to research an online source of advice for writing
persuasive messages or marketing and sales messages. Students will summarize the content of
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
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CASE SOLUTIONS
9-30. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Messages
Note: Here are three high-profile executives who use Twitter to reach their stakeholders.
characters or less: http://twitter.com
Richard Branson uses Twitter to focus on Virgin’s CSR efforts and to connect on a personal
level. See http://twitter.com/richardbranson.
real-time: http://twitter.com/finkd.
Tony Hsieh’s frequent updates and authentic voice on http://twitter.com/zappos make even
Communication)
9-31. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Requests
Note: A key point here is to avoid an emotional reaction that could lead to an offensive message
(along the lines of “I can’t believe how backward this company is”). Your message has, in effect,
already been rejected, so the indirect approach is definitely called for. A good strategy would be
to acknowledge the boss’s valid concerns about productivity and the appropriate use of company
Subject: Re: New social media policies
Hello Aaron,
I've just read the new policy prohibiting the use of social media at this company, and I certainly
agree that all of us employees need to manage our time wisely and use company resources
appropriately.
be misused.
However, as someone who has been an active user of various social media, I thought I might
offer some insights into the many business benefits of these tools. The two fundamental benefits
of social media are making connections and finding, or sharing, information. Here are just a few
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-19
partners for strategic alliances
Companies finding and recruiting new employees
Sales representatives getting introductions to potential sales leads (through shared
contacts)
brand
And here are several examples of using social media to find or share information:
Solving customer support issues
Sharing information quickly during a crisis or to combat false rumors
Collaborating with internal and virtual project teams
Please let me know if we can arrange a brief meeting to look at some specific examples of how
companies like ours use social media to boost productivity and organizational effectiveness.
Respectfully,
Belinda
(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
9-32. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Messages
Note: This is an unsolicited message, a type that is often construed as negative. The sender runs
the risk of pushing the proprietor into a defensive posture if the message is incorrectly written.
Students should be clear that this is a persuasive message intended to benefit both customers and
9: Writing Persuasive Messages
9-20
Dear Ms. Peterson,
Your coffee shop, Daily Brew, is a second home to me. Most of my free time is spent there,
meeting up with friends, reading a book, or doing my homework. The excellent food and
comforting ambiance are among the chief charms of your shop. Since Daily Brew is a free Wi-Fi
locality.
I miss only one thing at Daily Brew—a way to print my homework and other files. There are no
printing services in your shop or nearby, and most students have to walk or take a bus to the
I am certain that college students would spend more time at Daily Brew—and hence spend more
on coffee and food—if you were to provide a printer at your shop. Considering how inexpensive
To sum up, an onsite printing facility could increase your customer loyalty and sales in the
student segment. Thank you for considering this matter.
Sincerely,
Eileen Larson
(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)
9-33. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Messages
Note: Students may use catchy social media language to grab the reader’s attention. This
“afk atm brb. btw m1 gtg”
This incident would be funny if it were not symptomatic of a larger problem that is quickly
