978-0133896787 Chapter 9 Part 2

9: Writing Persuasive Messages

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9-8. Starting a promotional message immediately with a call to action would not result in the

and benefits, and anticipate purchase objections. Once these points have been addressed,

9-9. If an emotional appeal is used to manipulate an audience’s decision, especially if the

considered ethical. (LO 9.1; AACSB Tag: Ethical understanding and reasoning)

PRACTICE YOUR SKILLS

Exercises for Perfecting Your Writing

9-10. The email uses an effective subject line and introduces common ground: finding ways to

9-11. The email uses the indirect organizational approach. The main idea is not introduced until

communication)

9-12. The subject line is relevant and effective because it deals with cost savings. (LO 9.2;

9-13. The writer uses mostly logical appeals by including specific cost data as well as attaching a

9-14. The audience will benefit by building the company’s image while reducing costs. (LO 9.2;

9-15. The writer establishes credibility by supporting his claims with facts, numbers, and

9-16. The writer reinforces his position with semantics (“let’s meet”), by presenting a win-win

oral communication)

9-17. A Fast, Inexpensive Way to Encourage Teamwork (LO 9.2; AACSB Tag: Written and oral

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9-19. A Simple, Low-Cost Way to Reward our Managers (LO 9.2; AACSB Tag: Written and

oral communication)

9-20. Original sentence focuses on features. Revision to focus on benefits: Clean-up is easy

AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

9-22. Original sentence focuses on features. Revision to focus on benefits: Video action is

Activities

9-23. Whatever suggestions the students offer, they should specifically reference guidelines for

9.2; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

9-24. The message is vague and unprofessional overall. In addition, it exhibits the following

problems:

1. The tone is not professional or businesslike.

2. The last sentence of the first paragraph insults the reader.

Dear Customer Service Representative:

This display is used every day for my business, so it would be difficult to work without it

during the time it would take to ship and repair the defective one. I prefer that you ship

the shipping charges.

If you would prefer to handle this repair some other way, please let me know as soon as

Sincerely,

(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

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9-25. This message suffers from poor organization. The writer has used a threatening phrase in

the subject line and bluntly finds fault with the reader’s company in the second paragraph

Follow the plan for persuasive requests. Grab attention with a compliment and an appeal to

good business sense. Because this is not a first but a last appeal, build a strong case by

presenting hard-hitting facts about the dangers of ETS. Detail specific costs to CMSI, both

Here is a revised version of the letter:

CMSI

Contract Management Services, Inc.

3638 University Blvd., Suite 302, Houston, Texas 77005-3396

(832) 768-3899 fax: (832) 768-3803 www.cmsi.com

March 22, 2013

Mr. Robert Bechtold, Manager

Kukyendahl Joint, Inc.

88 North Park Road

Houston, TX 77005

Dear Mr. Bechtold:

Re: Secondhand Smoke at 3638 University Blvd., Suite 302

As we have explained before, cigarette smoke from tenants on either side of us, and

perhaps above and below as well, has been infiltrating our space. Known as ETS

We lost one of our top-producing employees last week when she had to quit because the

smoke was reactivating her childhood asthma. This loss is a serious blow to our bottom

line. Another of our employees is in a high-risk category for heart attack, which has also

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As we informed you last month, we tried hiring contractors to apply weather stripping

and seal visible openings. We spent $3,000 in this effort (see attached bills), but we have

still obtained no relief from the smoke infiltration. Enclosed is a summary of recent ETS-

Please resolve this problem immediately. Please provide us with healthy air, refund the

$9,000 we’ve paid in rent since January 1, and reimburse us $3,000 for our repair

expenditures. To make appropriate arrangements, contact me at (832) 768-3899.

for many years to come.

Sincerely,

Kathleen Thomas

Manager

Enclosure

KT:cb

(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

also evident:

letter to solicit opinions and evaluate performance.

2. The second sentence is blunt, as is the tone of the rest of the letter.

We appreciate your business this past year. As any of our repeat customers will tell you,

your satisfaction is our goal. To help us serve you even better, please take a moment to

The whole questionnaire will take less than five minutes to complete, and you’ll be the

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questionnaire by April 30.

At Tolson, we want to take care of all your auto needs. We look forward to hearing from

you soon.

Sincerely,

(LO 9.4; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

9-27. Here are the problematic claims:

1. I am considered (By whom?)

knowledgeable, the most frequently quoted, the best-selling?)

5. authority on employee health-insurance programs (employee health insurance is a vast

facet of this topic).

service? Seems hard to believe.)

7. They also love (“Love” is an awfully strong word to use here.)

9. I am absolutely confident (This sounds arrogant.)

10. every degree of savings possible (This essentially promises perfect service; what expert

Here is a revised version of the message:

average of six hours a week. Given my past experience, I am very eager to thoroughly

analyze your needs and create a portfolio that will offer your company substantial savings.

(LO 9.4; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

9-28. The overall message is blandly presented; the message needs more punch through the use

of action words, colorful verbs and adjectives, and enthusiastic tone. The routine opening

does not fully catch the reader’s attention, and some of the audience will not finish reading

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Add a promotional line to the letterhead and include a headline-style subject line. Pose a

question that highlights the central selling point. Build interest by describing the just-

washed heartbreak of a sudden deluge, using a personalized tone that suits this business.

SCRUBADUB CAR WASHES

Serving car owners from 11 convenient locations

in Massachusetts and Rhode Island

Bob and Dan Paisner, Owners

How would you like a FREE car wash the next time your beauty gets rained on or

thrashed by salt, slush, or snow?

Don’t you just hate it when that happens the day after you’ve had your car washed and

For a mere $5.95 “lifetime membership” (good for as long as you own your car), you get:

 Our 48-Hour Express Guarantee: As a Car Care Club member, you get the same

exterior wash FREE if your car gets dirty within 48 hours after your wash.

Simonize (20 days), or Blue Coral (30 days)—as a Club member, you’ll get an instant

$5 rebate!

 Members-Only Specials: From time to time, you’ll get good deals available only to

Car Care Club members.

Plus you’ll still get all the ScrubaDub advantages:

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 “Touchless” systems to protect your finishes

 Water recycling to preserve our environment

 And a FREE wash on your birthday!

And don’t forget ScrubaDub’s Bumper–to–Bumper Guarantee: If you’re not satisfied, you

can repeat the wash until you are—or we’ll refund your money.

for your FREE wash!

Remember what Bob and Dan say, “A clean car lasts longer—and looks newer!”

9-29. Using emotional appeals is ethical, unless you have distorted the truth or used words that

can be misinterpreted. Your posting should include clear benefits and allow readers the

freedom to choose. This exercise is a good chance to discuss how peer and company

pressure can make people feel manipulated into contributing to a cause. (LO 9.4; AACSB

Tag: Ethical understanding and reasoning)

EXPAND YOUR SKILLS

Sharpen Your Career Skills Online: This exercise calls upon students to use Bovée and Thill’s

Business Communication Web Search to research an online source of advice for writing

persuasive messages or marketing and sales messages. Students will summarize the content of

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CASE SOLUTIONS

9-30. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Messages

Note: Here are three high-profile executives who use Twitter to reach their stakeholders.

characters or less: http://twitter.com

Richard Branson uses Twitter to focus on Virgin’s CSR efforts and to connect on a personal

level. See http://twitter.com/richardbranson.

real-time: http://twitter.com/finkd.

Tony Hsieh’s frequent updates and authentic voice on http://twitter.com/zappos make even

Communication)

9-31. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Requests

Note: A key point here is to avoid an emotional reaction that could lead to an offensive message

(along the lines of “I can’t believe how backward this company is”). Your message has, in effect,

already been rejected, so the indirect approach is definitely called for. A good strategy would be

to acknowledge the boss’s valid concerns about productivity and the appropriate use of company

Subject: Re: New social media policies

Hello Aaron,

I’ve just read the new policy prohibiting the use of social media at this company, and I certainly

agree that all of us employees need to manage our time wisely and use company resources

appropriately.

be misused.

However, as someone who has been an active user of various social media, I thought I might

offer some insights into the many business benefits of these tools. The two fundamental benefits

of social media are making connections and finding, or sharing, information. Here are just a few

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partners for strategic alliances

 Companies finding and recruiting new employees

 Sales representatives getting introductions to potential sales leads (through shared

contacts)

brand

And here are several examples of using social media to find or share information:

 Solving customer support issues

 Sharing information quickly during a crisis or to combat false rumors

 Collaborating with internal and virtual project teams

Please let me know if we can arrange a brief meeting to look at some specific examples of how

companies like ours use social media to boost productivity and organizational effectiveness.

Respectfully,

Belinda

(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

9-32. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Messages

Note: This is an unsolicited message, a type that is often construed as negative. The sender runs

the risk of pushing the proprietor into a defensive posture if the message is incorrectly written.

Students should be clear that this is a persuasive message intended to benefit both customers and

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Dear Ms. Peterson,

Your coffee shop, Daily Brew, is a second home to me. Most of my free time is spent there,

meeting up with friends, reading a book, or doing my homework. The excellent food and

comforting ambiance are among the chief charms of your shop. Since Daily Brew is a free Wi-Fi

locality.

I miss only one thing at Daily Brew—a way to print my homework and other files. There are no

printing services in your shop or nearby, and most students have to walk or take a bus to the

I am certain that college students would spend more time at Daily Brew—and hence spend more

on coffee and food—if you were to provide a printer at your shop. Considering how inexpensive

To sum up, an onsite printing facility could increase your customer loyalty and sales in the

student segment. Thank you for considering this matter.

Sincerely,

Eileen Larson

(LO 9.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

9-33. Message Strategies: Persuasive Business Messages

Note: Students may use catchy social media language to grab the reader’s attention. This

“afk atm brb. btw m1 gtg”

This incident would be funny if it were not symptomatic of a larger problem that is quickly