978-0078036934 Chapter 3 Solution Manual

Activities and Discussion Questions

Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 9e IM–14

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Chapter 3: Interests and Goals

Activities and Discussion Questions

Sample Dialogue for TRIP

Ask students to study the following conversation and answer the questions below.

“HOW DO WE HIRE?”

Participants: John, Jim (the Director), Laura, Karl, Keith and Celeste

Setting: Mental health center

Situation: An opening for a full–time therapist has been created by

one of the staff therapists quitting

Jim: We need to fill this position since Lee is leaving. I suggest

we hire Nikki full time. She’s done a great job as an intern, and the

kids seem to really like her. What do you think?

Keith: I agree. We should hire her.

Jim: Anyone else?

(Long silence)

John: Yeah, that’s okay with me.

Jim: Is there any discussion on this matter?

Laura: Yes. I don’t think we should hire Nikki without doing a

search. She does a good job, but we might be able to get someone even

better.

Karl: I sort of feel that way, too.

Keith: I don’t think we could find anyone better. Besides, it could

take months to do it and we need the help right away, especially on

the weekends.

Karl: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we should hire just anyone.

Jim: Nikki’s not just anyone. Plus, we could lose the funding if we

don’t hire right away. I’ve talked to Nikki about it—I’m sure she’d

take the position.

Keith: And if we don’t offer it to her, I think she’ll quit

completely.

Laura: Sounds like you guys have already figured it out. Why are you

even asking us if you’ve made up your mind already?

Jim: There’s no “we” here, and I didn’t already make up my mind.

Activities and Discussion Questions

Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 9e IM–15

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Celeste: I don’t think we should act so quickly. I’m not sure Nikki

is all that committed to her work. You say the kids like her, but

personally, I think she just likes having them do what she wants. She

seems like a control freak to me. She likes having the kids like her.

Jim: What is it with you, Celeste? You always disagree with what this

group wants to do. Everyone wants this but you. I’m tired of your

constant opposition. You should listen to what we’re saying.

Celeste: What is it with me? Why do you act like we’re making a

group decision, when you already made a decision and obviously got

Keith and John to agree before talking to the rest of us?

Jim: If you can’t be a team player, then maybe it’s you who needs to

start looking for a new job.

Questions

1. What are the Topics (T) of this conflict?

2. What are the Relational (R) issues of this conflict?

3. What Identity (I) issues can you identify?

4. What are some possible Process (P) issues involved in this conflict?

5. How do you predict this conversation will end?

6. What do you think the goals are for each of the parties? How do you think those goals might

change?

7. What suggestions do you have for the parties in this conflict?

Activities and Discussion Questions

Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 9e IM–16

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Identifying Your “TRIP” Issues

This activity is an extension from Application 3.3, the Criticism Log, in Chapter 3.

1. Take a few moments to write down which topics you typically have conflicts with others

about. (Examples: money, cleanliness, intelligence, how to spend your free time, the way

you raise your kids, the tone of voice your teacher uses with you, the way customers talk to

you, where to go on vacation, etc.)

2. After thinking about a few specific topics/people/situations, write down all the criticism you

can think of for the people you have conflict with. (Examples: he’s a control freak, she’s

such a slob, nobody respects my privacy, you’re always telling me what to do, etc.)

3. Join 3-4 students from class and write a comprehensive list of all your collective “gripes.”

4. Look for themes, write them down, and discuss what you notice.

5. As a group, start to identify whether the criticisms are grounded in topic, relational, identity

or process issues.

6. With the help of your group, discuss what identity issues underlie the other issues.

a. For example, if you are always complaining that people are always trying to “correct

you,” perhaps your identity issue is that you think it’s important to be knowledgeable and

don’t like to be told otherwise.

b. If you are constantly annoyed by other people being “control freaks,” maybe you like to

maintain control over some aspect of your life.

7. The purpose of this exercise is to help you figure out what your “triggers” are. Once you

create that list, write a list of alternative strategies to help you manage situations that

typically upset you.

Activities and Discussion Questions

Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 9e IM–17

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Showing Appreciation

Now that you’ve completed the Criticism Log and identified many of your Identity issues,

complete the following exercise to help confirm someone else’s identity.

Directions: For the next week, at least three times a day:

1. Show appreciation for someone in a personal relationship with you (friend, spouse,

roommate, parent, child).

a. “John, I really appreciate how you always pick me up on time. Thanks.”

b. “Sam you are just such a good friend. You know last year when I had that problem

with my ex… you were always there for me.”

c. “Mom, you know, I’m struggling with tests right now, but I want to just say how much

I appreciate your emotional and financial support for me to go to college. It will make

a real difference in my life. Thanks.”

2. Give thanks or show appreciation to a person you do not know, who is in a service position.

a. Server in a restaurant, bar or whatever

b. Person working in a retail store—cashier at Wal-Mart, fee collector in the registrar’s

office, etc.

c. Custodian where you work

3. Reflect on these experiences.

a. How did you act (verbally and nonverbally) while doing this exercise?

b. What were the other persons’ responses?

c. What did you notice when you confirm others’ identities?

4. What does any of this have to do with your conflict skills?

Activities and Discussion Questions

Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 9e IM–18

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Negotiating Skill: Getting from Positions to Interests

Part One:

Have students review the following “position” statements:

You have to be in by 9:00. I want a salary increase.

I want $150,000 for the house. If you can’t be on time, I’m going to leave.

I want to be called “supervisor”. If you date someone else, it’s all over.

I won’t join the team if he is on it. The report is due next Tuesday

Part Two:

Ask students to identify possible underlying interests. Use the following guidelines from William Wilmot

of the Collaboration Institute to help. Once students have identified their “interests,” have them practice

writing goals that help them get what they want/need. Additionally, students could identify what “type”

of goals they are writing (topic, relational, identity, process, prospective, transactive, retrospective,

collaborative).

Kinds of Interests

1. Topic What do we want?

2. Relational Who are we to each other?

3. Identity/Face-saving Who am I in this interaction?

4. Procedural What communication process will we use?

You can find interests by indirect and direct ways. To do it directly, ask:

1. What if?

2. If she or he would apologize, what would that do for you?

3. What will it take?

4. What is in your way that makes it so you can’t cooperate?

5. What would be the perfect situation?

6. How would you like to be treated?

7. What process could be used to keep you involved and on board?

8. What problems are we trying to solve?

9. What could the other do or say that would impact you?

10. What is your goal?

11. What concerns you the most?

12. When are you most irritated? Most satisfied?

13. Describe a situation when things went well.

14. What do you want? What would it mean if you got it?

15. What are two other ways you can get what you want?

16. Can you tell me why you feel so strongly about this?

17. Before this conflict started, what did you want?

18. What would help you feel good?

19. How do you want to be treated by him or her?

20. If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?

Adapted from:

Wilmot, William and J. Hocker. Interpersonal Conflict. 6th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2001.

Yarbrough, Elaine and William Wilmot. Artful Mediation: Constructive Conflict at Work. Cairns Publishing, 1995.