Procedure: Divide students into groups of four. Students in each group will assume the roles of Student
A, Student B, Student C, and Student D. The task of Student A is to talk about something interesting that
happened to her or him during the past week. (If students claim that they can’t think of anything
interesting, instruct them to talk about something that isn’t interesting.) Students B and C will ask
questions, and Student A will respond. Meanwhile, Student D will write down the questions asked by
Students B and C.
After three minutes have elapsed, stop the question-asking session. Remind students that many questions
that may seem sincere at first are actually hidden advice. Each group will now look are the written version
of the questions and decide whether the questions are sincere, focused, irrelevant, and/or counterfeit.
Class Discussion: When groups have finished analyzing their questions, ask each group to share two or
three of their questions with the class. Evaluate with the class which type of question each example
illustrates. Ask students who assumed the role of Student A to report to the class their reactions to the
questions. Use this opportunity to reinforce problems inherent with counterfeit questions.
Extend the discussion by eliciting times when students wanted to tell their stories, but were interrupted by
others who were too busy giving advice to really listen. Encourage students to practice asking sincere
questions between now and your next class meeting. In your next class, ask students to share their
experiences as they attempted to apply this new skill. To help students accomplish this task, give them a
simple rule such as “When you start to offer advice (unless the other person has clearly asked you for
advice), say to yourself ‘Shut up and listen.’”
6. Seeking Feedback
Objective: To apply and practice skills at asking questions and paraphrasing in order to discover the
speaker’s content, intent, and feelings.
Procedure: Ask students to listen to the statements you’re going to read. After you’ve read each
statement, give the students two or three minutes to write a response aimed at discovering the content,
intent, and the feelings expressed in that statement. Acceptable responses include sincere questions as
well as paraphrases. Remind students that there are many possible ways to paraphrase any statement.
They should create a scenario and use their own best judgment.
A. “My supervisor told me this morning that I was going to receive a bonus.”
B. “Nobody cares how we do our jobs.”
C. “I’m really under a lot of pressure this week.”
D. “I’m trying to make ends meet, but it’s difficult with all the expenses I have for school and
my family.”
E. “I’m having trouble accepting the rating I got on my performance appraisal.”
F. You’ve just told a colleague how a job needs to be done. He says, “It doesn’t matter how it’s
done.”
This exercise can also be done in groups. You could assign two or three of the statements to each group,
then compare responses.
Class Discussion: Class discussion could focus on the way students draw meaning from the various
statements.
• What cues did you use to interpret the intent of each of these messages?
• In what ways could these types of statements be misinterpreted?