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Instructor Resources for Chapter 3
_______________________________________
Chapter Outline
Opening scenario: Living Multiple Lives
I. Understanding the Self: Self-Concept
a. What is a self-concept?
i. Self-concepts are multifaceted.
ii. Self-concepts are partly subjective.
iii. Self-concepts are enduring but changeable.
b. How a self-concept develops
i. Personality and biology
ii. Culture and gender roles
iii. Reflected appraisal
iv. Social comparison
c. Awareness and management of the self-concept
i. Self-monitoring
ii. Self-fulfilling prophecy
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
II. Valuing the Self: Self-Esteem
a. Benefits and drawbacks of self-esteem
i. Self-esteem and social behavior
ii. Self-esteem and how we see ourselves and others
iii. Self-esteem and performance
b. Culture, sex, and self-esteem
i. Culture and self-esteem
ii. Sex and self-esteem
c. The self and interpersonal needs
i. Need for control
ii. Need for inclusion
iii. Need for affection
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
III. Presenting the Self: Image Management
a. Principles of image management
i. Image management is collaborative.
ii. We manage multiple identities.
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iii. Image management is complex.
b. Managing face needs
i. Face and face needs
ii. Face threats
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
IV. Communicating the Self: Self-Disclosure
a. Principles of self-disclosure
i. Self-disclosure is intentional and truthful.
ii. Self-disclosure varies in breadth and depth.
iii. Self-disclosure varies among relationships.
iv. Self-disclosure is a gradual process.
v. Online self-disclosure follows a different pattern.
vi. Self-disclosure is usually reciprocal.
vii. Self-disclosure can serve many purposes.
viii. Self-disclosure is influenced by cultural and gender roles.
b. Benefits of self-disclosure
c. Risks of self-disclosure
d. Challenges and risks of disclosing online
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
In-text boxes:
a. Assess Your Skills: Google yourself: Managing your online image
b. Got Skills? Self-fulfilling prophecy
c. At a Glance: Schutz’s interpersonal needs
d. Communication/Dark Side: Risks of disclosing HIV-positive status
e. Got Skills? Facework
f. At a Glance: Three types of face
g. Fact or Fiction? Let it out: Disclosure does a body good.
Key Terms
autonomy face
breadth
competence face
depth
face
face needs
face-threatening act
facework
fellowship face
gossip
identity
image
image management
Johari window
need for affection
need for control
need for inclusion
norm of reciprocity
personality
reference groups
reflected appraisal
self-concept
self-disclosure
self-esteem
self-fulfilling prophecy
social comparison
social penetration theory
Definitions for Key Terms
autonomy face: the need to avoid being imposed upon by others
breadth: the range of topics about which one person self-discloses to another
competence face: the need to be respected and viewed as competent and intelligent
depth: the intimacy of the topics about which one person self-discloses to another
face: a person’s desired public image
face needs: components of one’s desired public image
face-threatening act: any behavior that threatens one or more face needs
facework: the behaviors we use to maintain our desired public image to others
fellowship face: the need to have others like and accept you, see also need for inclusion
gossip: the sharing of an individual’s personal information with a third party without the
individual’s consent
identity: see self-concept
image: the way one wishes to be seen or perceived by others
image management: the process of projecting one’s desired public image; see also facework
Johari window: a visual representation of components of the self that are known or unknown to
the self and to others
need for affection: one’s need to give and receive expressions of love and appreciation
need for control: one’s need to maintain a degree of influence in one’s relationships
need for inclusion: one’s need to belong to a social group and be included in the activities of
others; see also fellowship face
norm of reciprocity: a social expectation, articulated by Alvin Gouldner, that resources and
favors provided to one person in a relationship should be reciprocated by that person
personality: the pattern of behaviors and ways of thinking that characterize a person
reference groups: the groups of people with whom one compares oneself in the process of social
comparison
reflected appraisal: the process whereby a person’s self-concept is influenced by his or her
beliefs concerning what other people think of the person
self-concept: the set of stable ideas a person has about who he or she is; also known as identity
self-disclosure: the act of giving others information about oneself that one believes they do not
already have
self-esteem: one’s subjective evaluation of one’s value and worth as a person
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self-fulfilling prophecy: an expectation that gives rise to behaviors that cause the expectation to
come true
social comparison: the process of comparing oneself to others
social penetration theory: a theory, developed by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor, that predicts
that as relationships develop, communication increases in breadth and depth
Discussion Questions
• In what ways has your self-concept changed over the course of your adolescent and adult
life? What parts of your self-concept have remained relatively constant?
• When it comes to social comparison, what reference groups are particularly relevant to you?
• What are examples of the multiple identities that you manage on an ongoing basis?
• Of the three types of face needs—fellowship face, competence face, autonomy face—which
is the most important to you? Under what circumstances do the others become more
important?
• Can you think of a situation when you have been the recipient of inappropriate self-
disclosures? How did you feel in that situation? In what ways were the self-disclosures
inappropriate?
• What’s good about gossip? In what ways can gossip produce positive relational outcomes?
• Why do you suppose parents and teachers pay so much attention to the self-esteem of
children? What’s especially good about having high self-esteem?
• What are some situations that threaten our need for inclusion? Our need for affection? Our
need for control? How do you generally react in those situations?
• Why do people disclose more personal information in an online relationship than they would
in a face-to-face relationship? How would one’s level of self-esteem influence his or her self-
disclosure online?
Additional Resources
• Brown, P., & Levinson, S. C. (1987). Politeness: Some universals in language usage.
Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.
• Goffman, E. (1959). The presentation of self in everyday life. New York, NY: Doubleday.
• Rutter, M. (2006). Genes and behavior: Nature-nurture interplay explained. Malden, MA:
Blackwell.
• Sedikides, C., & Spencer, S. J. (Eds.). (2011). The self. New York, NY: Psychology Press.
• Twenge, J. M. (2014). Generation me—revised and updated: Why today’s young Americans
are more confident, assertive, entitled—and more miserable than ever. New York, NY:
Atria/Simon & Schuster.
• Watts, R., Ide, S., & Ehlich, K. (Eds.). (2005). Politeness in language. The Hague, The
Netherlands: Mouton de Gruyter.
Learning Objectives in CONNECT for Interpersonal Communication
Understanding the Self: Self-Concept
• Define self-concept.
• Explain how one’s self-concept is multi-faceted.
• Define the Johari window.
• Describe the open area of the Johari window.
• Describe the hidden area of the Johari window.
• Describe the blind area of the Johari window.
• Describe the unknown area of the Johari window.
• Apply the aspects of the Johari window to communicating online.
• Explain the objective aspects of self-concept.
• Explain the subjective aspects of self-concept.
• Understand that many aspects of self-concept are subjective rather than objective.
• Explain the enduring nature of self-concepts.
• Identify circumstances that may change one’s self-concept.
• Describe personality traits.
• Explain how culture and gender influence self-concept.
• Explain the process of reflected appraisal.
• Describe the “looking-glass self.”
• Define social comparison.
• Explain the role of reference groups in social comparison.
• Describe self-monitoring.
• Analyze the advantages and disadvantages of being a high and low self-monitor.
• Explain how autism affects the ability to self-monitor.
• Define self-fulfilling prophecy.
• Explain how self-fulfilling prophecies affect communication.
• Clarify that for something to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, one’s expectations cause the
prophecy to be fulfilled.
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Valuing the Self: Self-Esteem
• Define self-esteem.
• Distinguish between high and low self-esteem.
• Explain how high and low self-esteem affect behavior.
• Describe the disadvantages of high and low self-esteem
• Describe the relationship between self-esteem and happiness.
• Define emotional intelligence.
• Describe the relationship between low self-concept and negative emotional expression.
• Analyze the efforts to protect students’ self-esteem.
• Explain how culture and sex impact self-esteem.
• Describe the three strategies used by socially marginalized groups to maintain their
self-esteem.
• Analyze how racial discrimination affects men and women differently.
• Define the interpersonal needs theory.
• Explain the interpersonal need for control.
• Explain the interpersonal need for inclusion.
• Explain the interpersonal need for affection.
• Describe the relationship between self-esteem and interpersonal needs theory.
Presenting the Self: Image Management
• Define image, as it relates to presenting the self.
• Define image management.
• Explain how image management is a collaborative process.
• Describe what it means to manage multiple identities.
• Explain some of the challenges of managing multiple identities for people with “invisible”
medical conditions.
• Explain some of the challenges of managing multiple identities for sexual minorities.
• Describe the complex nature of image management.
• Describe what it means to “save face.”
• Define face.
• Define facework.
• Define face needs.
• Distinguish between fellowship face, autonomy face, and competence face.
• Define face-threatening act.
• Identify the common response to face-threatening acts.
• Explain why face threats are common within marginalized populations.
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Communicating the Self: Self-Disclosure
• Define self-disclosure.
• Identify the two conditions that must be met for an act of communication to be self-
disclosure.
• Describe the social penetration theory.
• Define breadth in the context of the social penetration theory.
• Define depth in the context of the social penetration theory.
• Explain how self-disclosure varies among relationships.
• Describe the gradual process of self-disclosure.
• Explain how individuals self-disclose in online environments.
• Explain the reciprocal nature of self-disclosure.
• Describe the norm of reciprocity.
• Explain how self-disclosure is influenced by gender roles and cultural norms.
• Identify the four key benefits of self-disclosure.
• Explain how self-disclosure enhances relationships and trust.
• Explain the benefit of reciprocity and self-disclosure.
• Explain how emotional release is a benefit of self-disclosure.
• Explain how self-disclosure may help others.
• Identify the four potential risks for self-disclosure.
• Explain how rejection is a risk of self-disclosure.
• Explain how self-disclosure increases the chance of obligation others.
• Explain how hurting others is a risk of self-disclosure.
• Explain how self-disclosure may be a privacy violation.
• Explain the potential challenges and risks of disclosing online.
• Explain the “disinhibition effect.”
• Identify ways to protect oneself when engaging in computer mediated communication.
In-Class Exercises
In-Class Exercise A: Self-Disclosure and Closeness
1. This exercise focuses on the benefits and risks of self-disclosure and its effect on
interpersonal closeness. The exercise is to be done in pairs. (If you have an odd number of
students in your class, you might elect to pair up with the “left–over” student.)
2. Before running the experiment, you need to create one set of materials for each pair in your
class. First, photocopy the list of questions given below (you may add or delete questions
from this list if you feel it is appropriate). Next, take each question sheet and cut it into strips
of paper containing one question each. Fold each strip in half, and then place all of the strips
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from each question sheet into a legal-sized envelope. You should make one envelope for
each pair of students in your class.
3. On the day of the exercise, student pairs should be created at random, so that students don’t
simply get paired with people they already know or like. After pairing all of your students,
hand each pair an envelope.
4. At the beginning of the exercise, tell the students in each pair to take out all of the strips of
paper but not to unfold them. Tell them then to divide the folded strips between them so that
each student in the pair has approximately half of the questions.
5. When it’s time to begin, tell one student in each pair to start. That student should open one of
the strips of paper, read the question aloud, and then both students in the pair should answer
it. They may elaborate on their answers if they choose to, but they should not feel obligated
to do so. After they have both answered the first question, then the other student should
unfold one of his or her strips of paper, read the question aloud, and then repeat the process.
You should set a time limit for the exercise, and tell students that it’s not essential that they
get through all of their questions in that time period.
6. After the exercise, have students respond to the following questions individually, in writing:
a. How did it feel to do this exercise?
b. What answer did your partner give you that surprised you the most?
c. What question or questions were you the most uncomfortable answering?
d. What are two or three things you learned about your partner that the questions didn’t
specifically ask about?
e. On a scale of 1–10, with 10 being the highest, how much do you like your partner after
having done this exercise?
f. On the same scale, how similar do you think you and your partner are (10 is very similar,
1 is very dissimilar)?
7. You might go through questions a–d in class after the writing exercise, asking students to
volunteer their answers. Use this as an opportunity to spark discussion about the benefits and
risks of self-disclosure. It may be too risky to ask students to volunteer their answers to
questions e–f aloud in class, since some students may report not particularly liking their
partners even after the self-disclosure exercise. Feel free to add your own questions to this
exercise.
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Sample List of Questions for the Self-Disclosure Exercise
What is the best movie you have ever seen, and why?
What is your scariest childhood memory?
Who is the one person you most admire?
On a scale of 1–10, how physically attractive do you think you are?
What’s the worst part about your life right now?
What’s the best joke you’ve heard recently?
What would you change about your body if you could?
When do you feel the most stress?
Where do you feel the most accepted?
What’s the worst thing one person can do to another?
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In-Class Exercise B: Self-Esteem and Performance
1. This exercise examines whether temporarily enhancing or attacking one’s self-esteem affects
one’s performance on cognitive tasks.
2. Students should not be told about the true purpose of the exercise until the end, or else
demand characteristics will influence their behavior. Instead, tell students that the point of
the activity is to see how self-reflection affects their behavior on certain tasks.
3. Make photocopies of the forms below. Half of your class should receive each form.
4. Mix the forms systematically so that you hand out one positive form, then one negative form,
etc. Give each student one of the forms and instruct your class to spend approximately ten
minutes answering all of the questions on the form. (If you want, you can tell students that
they will not be turning in the forms—that may encourage students to be more honest about
their answers, or it may give them license not to take the activity seriously; make that call
based on your own understanding of your students.)
5. After ten minutes, ask students to stop writing, put their pens or pencils down, and turn their
forms upside down in front of them. Next, tell students you are going to read them some
information. Before you start, tell all students to hold their hands in the air with their palms
facing you, and to keep them there until you say to put them down. (That serves the dual
purpose of providing a physical distraction and preventing students from writing anything
down while you’re talking.)
6. Read the following aloud (do not answer any questions before, during, or after reading this
statement):
“First, I’m going to say the following words:
Corner
Activate
Leprechaun
Tackle
Featuring
Antonym
Purse
Electrocute
Dishonest
Mediocre
Chastise
Grungy
“Now I want you to listen to the following. Darby never dreamed she would get the
opportunities she had gotten since going to work for the government. All her life, she
dreamed about traveling the world, experiencing other cultures and cuisines, and coming to
understand more what the world was really about. Getting her job with the State Department
had been a dream come true. It wasn’t like she wasn’t qualified—she had studied political
science and diplomacy in college; she was fluent in three languages and had a working
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knowledge of several others; and most of all, she was bright and highly motivated. It also
didn’t hurt that her college mentor had worked at State and was able to tug at all the right
strings. Now, after completing eight months of very intense training—at a location she can’t
disclose to you—Darby is ready to take on her first assignment.
“Put your hands down. Now, when I say ‘go,’ I want you to write down as many words as
you can remember from the list I just read. Write on the backside of your form from the
exercise before, and do not let your neighbors see what you’re writing. You have thirty
seconds. Go!”
7. Time for exactly thirty seconds, and then say “Stop!” Have students put their pencils or pens
down on the table.
8. Next, put a list of the words on the chalkboard or on an overhead projector. Ask students to
go through their own lists—ask them to circle every word they wrote down that was on your
list, and to put a check mark next to every word they wrote down that was not on your list.
Then, tell students to add up the number of circled words, subtract the number of checked
words, and to write their number on their paper.
9. A perfect score on this exercise is 12, since there were 12 words on the list and a score of 12
would indicate recall of all of the valid words and the addition of no invalid words. Some
students may have negative scores, if they included more invalid words than valid ones.
10. Now, by show of hands, ask how many students got the form asking about their positive
qualities. Call this group Group A. Ask students who got the other form to raise their hands.
Call this group Group B.
11. Ask how many students in Group A got a score on the recall task of +6 or higher. (If it’s a
high percentage, ask how many got a score of +8 or higher; if it’s a low percentage, ask for
how many got a score of +4 or higher.) Now, ask the same of Group B. From this show of
hands, you will have a good sense of whether or not the two groups differed in their
performance.
12. Whatever the outcome, use it to generate discussion about the benefit (or lack of benefit) of
temporarily boosting someone’s self–esteem, as the “positive attributes” form was designed
to do.
13. You may not get the same outcome each time you do this exercise. Group A may do better
than Group B, or the two groups may be equal, or (very rarely) Group B may do better. After
doing the exercise multiple times, you can tell each class how common its particular outcome
has been in your experience.
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Form A
This is a self-reflection exercise. Answer each question in the space provided below it. Please
do not continue your answers onto the back of this sheet.
A. What three things do you do better than the average person your age?
B. What are the two things you like the most about your physical appearance?
C. What would your parents say is the best part of your personality?
D. When do you feel the most self-confident?
E. What are your strengths as a friend?
F. Describe a situation when you felt very good about yourself.
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Form B
This is a self-reflection exercise. Answer each question in the space provided below it. Please
do not continue your answers onto the back of this sheet.
A. What three things do you do worse than the average person your age?
B. What are the two things you dislike the most about your physical appearance?
C. What would your parents say is the worst part of your personality?
D. When do you feel the least self-confident?
E. What are your weaknesses as a friend?
F. Describe a situation when you felt very bad about yourself.
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In-Class Exercise C: Write your Obituary
1. This exercise encourages students both to consider their current self-concepts and to conceive
of their future self-concepts.
2. Tell students that their task is to write an obituary for themselves. Tell them to write their
obituary as though they have died in the future, not as though they have just passed away.
Tell them this will require them to think about how they see themselves and their lives in the
future.
3. Tell students that most obituaries contain the following elements: 1) name and age of the
deceased; 2) where the person grew up and where he or she was living at the time of death;
3) the person’s education and occupation(s); 4) the person’s greatest achievements in life;
5) what people will remember the most fondly about the person; and, 6) family members
(spouse, children, parents, siblings) who have survived the person.
4. Tell your students that this is not meant to be a fantasy exercise. In other words, they
shouldn’t construct fantasy versions of their future lives (e.g., “Bob died a multi-millionaire,”
“Tina died the most famous singer in the world”). Rather, they should project who they
actually expect to be and what they actually see themselves doing in life. This will include
where they see themselves living, whether they see themselves as having a spouse and/or
children, and what they expect people will remember about them when they are gone.
5. You should allocate a period of time for writing (or, you may elect to assign this as an out-of-
class activity). After the activity, you might lead a discussion about what the experience of
writing their own obituary was like for their students. What did they find the most
challenging about it? Did they enjoy the activity?
6. One option in this exercise is to ask students to keep their obituaries, put them somewhere
safe, and to look at them every once in a while. As their lives unfold, their concepts about
themselves and their futures may evolve, so looking at an obituary they have written for
themselves at various points in their lives can help them to notice how their self-concept is
developing.
Out-of-Class Exercises
Out-of-Class Exercise A: Who Knows You Best?
1. In this exercise, students will survey five people in their lives to determine whose perceptions
about them are the closest to their own self-concepts.
2. There are two versions of a questionnaire below, one marked “self” and one marked “other.”
Make photocopies of these, enough to give each student one copy of the self-questionnaire
and five copies of the other-questionnaire.
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3. Ask students to identify five people in their lives who know them well. These people should
represent five different types of relationship—for example, a parent, a sibling, a neighbor, a
friend, a co-worker or boss, a classmate, a teacher, a coach, a child, a grandparent. Students
should not select more than one person in any one of these categories if they can avoid it
(e.g., they should not pick both parents, or two friends, etc.). Then, ask students to rank the
five people in terms of who they think knows them the best, the second best, etc.
4. Ask students to complete the self-questionnaire on their own, being as objective as they can
about themselves. Then, they should give one copy of the other-questionnaire to each of the
five people they have selected. They should ask each person to fill out the questionnaire with
reference to the students, not themselves. (That is, if Karen gives the other-questionnaire to
her dad, he should complete it with reference to Karen, not himself.)
5. Once students have completed the self-questionnaire and collected all five other-
questionnaires, they should compare answers to each of the questions across the six
questionnaires to determine how well each person’s answers matched the answers the
students gave for themselves. Using these responses as evidence, they should “test” their
predicted rank-ordering of the five individuals, adjusting it accordingly.
6. You might ask students to write up their results in a paper, and/or to present them in class.
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Self-Questionnaire
The following statements are about you. Please read each of the statements below and
indicate your level of agreement on a scale of 1-7, where 7 means “strongly agree” and 1
means “strongly disagree.” Try to be as objective as you can in your responses.
Strongly Strongly
disagree agree
1. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
2. I am more extraverted than introverted.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
3. I would characterize my political beliefs as
liberal.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
4. I don’t have a lot of close friends in my life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
5. I worry a lot.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
6. I am smarter than most people my age.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
7. I would rather live in a small town than in a big
city.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8. I am very conservative when it comes to money.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
9. I have a rich fantasy life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
10. I am living the life I want to be living.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
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Other-Questionnaire
The following statements are about the student who gave you this questionnaire. Please read
each of the statements below and indicate your level of agreement on a scale of 1-7, where 7
means “strongly agree” and 1 means “strongly disagree.” Try to be as objective as you can in
your responses.
Strongly Strongly
disagree agree
1. On the whole, this person is satisfied with
himself or herself.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
2. This person is more extraverted than
introverted.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
3. I would characterize this person’s political
beliefs as liberal.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
4. This person doesn’t have a lot of close friends
in his or her life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
5. This person worries a lot.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
6. This person is smarter than most people his or
her age.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
7. This person would rather live in a small town
than in a big city.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8. This person is very conservative when it comes
to money.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
9. This person has a rich fantasy life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
10. This person is living the life he or she wants to
be living.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
When you are finished, please return this questionnaire to the student from whom you
received it.
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Out-of-Class Exercise B: Identity Collage
1. In this exercise, students will construct a collage that depicts their self-concept. The exercise
will work best if you allocate class time for each student to present and explain his or her
collage. (Alternatively, you might have students arrange their collages in your classroom and
then walk around and visit each other’s collages, similar to a conference poster session.)
2. Students should be given (or be instructed to acquire) a large piece of sturdy cardboard or
pressboard on which to construct their collage.
3. There are few guidelines for the identity collage, since the goal is for students to be creative
in how they construct visual representations of their self-concepts. Tell students that the
object of the exercise is to create a visual depiction of their identities, so they will want to
represent their personalities, their experiences, their interests, their relationships, their talents,
and even their shortcomings using whatever visual material they deem appropriate. These
might include words, drawings, photos, objects (e.g., a high school athletic letter if the
student is an athlete, an undeveloped roll of film if the student is a photographer, a movie
ticket stub from a student’s first date). Anything that can be appended to the collage and that
is significant as a representation of the student’s identity can be included.
4. Encourage students to go beyond representations of their superficial self-concepts (hobbies,
talents, etc.) and also to include deeper reflections of their identities (ambitions, insecurities,
traumatic life events). Their collages should depict aspects of their identities that are not
necessarily apparent to everyone else in the class, so long as students are comfortable sharing
those.