Instructor Resources for Chapter 10
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Chapter Outline
Opening scenario: Good Friends and Productive Work Partners
I. Communicating in Friendships
a. Friendships are voluntary.
b. Friends are usually peers.
c. Friendships are governed by rules.
d. Friendships differ by sex.
i. Same-sex friends
ii. Opposite-sex friends
e. Friendships have a life span.
i. Friends can grow to dislike each other.
ii. Friends’ life circumstances can change.
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
II. Communicating in Romantic Relationships
a. Characteristics of romantic relationships
i. Romantic relationships and exclusivity
ii. Romantic relationships and voluntariness
iii. Romantic relationships and love
iv. Romantic relationships and sexuality
v. Romantic relationships and permanence
b. Differing relational types among romantic couples
c. Interpersonal communication in romantic relationships
i. Romantic relationship vary in how they handle conflict.
ii. Romantic relationship vary in how they handle privacy.
iii. Romantic relationship vary in how they handle emotional communication.
iv. Romantic relationship vary in how they handle instrumental communication.
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
III. Communicating in Families
a. What makes a family?
i. Genetic ties
ii. Legal obligations
iii. Role behaviors
b. Types of families
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c. Communication issues in families
i. Family roles
ii. Family rituals
iii. Family stories
iv. Family secrets
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
IV. Communicating in the Workplace
a. Relationship with co-workers
i. Friendships among co-workers
ii. Romantic relationships between co-workers
b. Relationship between superiors and subordinates
c. Relationship with clients
d. Online communication in workplace relationships
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
In-text boxes:
a. Communication/Light Side: Facebook friends: 302 is the magic number
b. At a Glance: Friendship rules
c. Fact or Fiction? Half of all marriages end in divorce.
d. Got Skills? Responding to negative emotional expressions
e. Assess Your Skills: Identifying sexual harassment in the workplace
f. Got Skills? Practicing upward, downward, and lateral communication
Key Terms
communication privacy management (CPM)
theory
downward communication
family of origin
family of procreation
infidelity
lateral communication
monogamy
peer
polygamy
rituals
upward communication
Definitions for Key Terms
communication privacy management (CPM) theory: theory that explains how people manage the
tension between privacy and disclosure
downward communication: messages sent to people at lower levels of an organization, such as
subordinates
family of origin: the family in which grows up (often consisting of one’s parents and siblings)
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family of procreation: the family one starts as an adult (often consisting of one’s spouse and
children)
infidelity: sexual involvement with someone other than one’s spouse
lateral communication: messages sent to people at the same level of an organization, such as
co-workers or peers
monogamy: being in only one romantic relationship at a time and avoiding romantic or sexual
involvement with others outside the relationship
peer: someone of similar power or status
polygamy: a practice in which one person is married to two or more spouses at once
upward communication: messages sent to people at higher levels of an organization, such as
superiors
Discussion Questions
• What are some of the biggest costs associated with maintaining your friendships? Can you
think of friendships that have ended because the costs exceeded the rewards?
• How do you know what the rules of friendship are? How do we learn them?
• Why do you think friendships differ by gender in the ways they do? What causes these
differences?
• Discuss the costs associated with maintaining friendships.
• Explain the notion that friendships have a lifespan and identify some of the reasons why
friendships end.
• What are some of the ways you invest in your intimate relationships? In what ways do
investments in romantic relationships differ from those in familial relationships?
• The chapter discussed six social expectations for marriage—how much do you share these
expectations? Which ones do you not share? Why?
• What is your theory about why the divorce rate in the United States is so much higher than in
the rest of the world?
• How do you differentiate people in your family from people who are not in your family?
How important are genetic ties, legal bonds, and role behaviors?
• What roles did you play in your family while you were growing up? What roles would you
say that you still play in your family?
• Why do you think positivity is so important for stable, satisfying relationships?
• Define and give examples of the social and task dimensions of work relationships.
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• What are the costs and rewards of having a social relationship with your supervisor?
• Articulate the concepts of quid pro quo and hostile work environment as they relate to sexual
harassment in the workplace.
• When communicating in the workplace, do you find downward and upward communication
easier online or in person?
Additional Resources
• Floyd, K., & Morman, M. T. (Eds.). (2013). Widening the family circle: New research on
family communication (2nd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New
York, NY: Harmony Books.
• Kelley, D. (2011). Marital communication. Cambridge, England: Polity Press.
• Segrin, C., & Flora, J. (2011). Family communication (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Routledge.
• Turner, L. H., & West, R. (Eds.). (2006). The family communication sourcebook. Thousand
Oaks, CA: Sage.
• Wilmot, W., & Yoshimura, S. (2011). Relational communication. New York, NY:
Routledge.
Learning Objectives in CONNECT for Interpersonal Communication
• Recall how the bonds with friends, romantic partners, relatives, and co-workers influence our
lives.
Communicating in Friendships
• Recall that friendships are voluntary.
• Explain how people select their friends.
• Define peer.
• Explain why friendships are usually between peers.
• Describe the rules that govern friendships.
• Recall that most people within a given society usually know and understand friendship rules.
• Compare and contrast same-sex friendships between men and women.
• Describe the two qualifications about sex differences.
• Explain the characteristics of opposite-sex friendships.
• Explain the reasons for opposite-sex friends not wanting their relationship to become
romantic.
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• Recall that most friendships aren’t permanent.
• Describe the six-stage life span of most friendships.
• Recall the two general categories to explain why friendships end.
• Explain the changes in life circumstances that cause friendships to drift apart.
Communicating in Romantic Relationships
• Recall that the most intimate relationship is often the one shared with a romantic partner.
• Recall that forming romantic relationships is a nearly universal human experience.
• Explain how marriages and long-term relationships are important to health and well-being.
• Recall that romantic relationships are often exclusive.
• Define monogamy.
• Define infidelity.
• Define polygamy.
• Recall that romantic relationships are often expected to be voluntary.
• Identify the reasons why people stay in relationships involuntarily.
• Explain the practice of arranged marriages.
• Recall that romantic relationships tend to be based on love.
• Describe how spouses are chosen in many collectivistic societies.
• Recall that people form romantic relationships with others whether they are heterosexual or
homosexual.
• Compare and contrast same- and opposite-sex romantic relationships’ legal definitions across
cultures.
• Recall that marriage and long-term romantic relationships are often perceived as permanent.
• Identify the benefits that are afforded to spouses who are legally married.
• Explain the reasons that some marriages and romantic relationships do not last.
• Describe a marital schema.
• Differentiate between traditional, separate, independent, and mixed couple types.
• Recall that the quality of romantic relationships can be determined by how couples
communicate with one another.
• Explain how romantic relationships vary in how they handle conflict.
• Define conflict.
• Compare and contrast how validating, volatile, conflict-avoiding, and hostile couples handle
conflict.
• Identify some differences in the conflict styles of homosexual and heterosexual couples.
• Explain how romantic relationships vary in how they handle privacy.
• Explain the communication privacy management (CPM) theory.
• Explain how romantic relationships vary in how they handle emotional communication.
• Describe the two patterns of emotional communication that differentiate happy from unhappy
couples.
• Explain how romantic relationships vary in how they handle instrumental communication.
• Identify the two reasons why it matters how partners negotiate the division of everyday tasks.
Communicating in Families
• Describe the importance of familial relationships.
• Recall the three fundamental dimensions of a family.
• Describe the role of genetic ties in families.
• Describe the role of legal obligations in family relationships.
• Describe role behaviors in family relationships.
• Recall the families come in many forms.
• Distinguish between a family of origin and a family of procreation.
• Distinguish between nuclear, blended, single-parent, and extended families.
• Describe family roles.
• Identify the four common roles that occur during conflict episodes.
• Describe family rituals.
• Explain the importance of family rituals in blended families.
• Describe family stories.
• Identify the two characteristics of family stories.
• Describe family secrets.
Communicating in the Workplace
• Explain what is meant when relationships at work are described as a “dual-edged sword.”
• Explain why it is common to form relationships with co-workers who are usually peers.
• Describe the benefits of friendships between co-workers.
• Identify the communicative strategies used by co-workers to maintain close friendships.
• Differentiate between the social and task dimensions of co-worker friendships.
• Describe the benefits of working with romantic partners.
• Describe the downsides of workplace romances.
• Explain the unique challenge of friendships between superiors and subordinates.
• Describe the forms of sexual harassment.
• Explain the challenge of social relationships with clients.
• Explain how to communicate competently online in the workplace.
• Differentiate between upward, downward, and lateral communication.
In-Class Exercises
In-Class Exercise A: The Rules of My Friendships
1. This exercise focuses on the explicit and implicit rules that guide students’ own friendships.
The exercise is to be done in groups of two or three.
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2. Before beginning the exercise, discuss with students the notion that every friendship (indeed,
every social and personal relationship) is governed by certain rules. Although some rules are
explicit, most are implicit. Some rules are also more important than others; some can be
broken, whereas breaking others will end the friendship.
3. On the day of the exercise, put students into pairs or groups of three at random, so they don’t
necessarily get grouped with students they know well.
4. For approximately 10 minutes, have each group brainstorm about the rules that govern their
friendships. During this portion of the exercise, students should not be concerned about
which rules are implicit or explicit, or which rules are more important than others—the
objective is simply to brainstorm and generate a list.
5. After the brainstorming session, give each group an additional 5 minutes to work. Tell the
groups to divide their list of rules into those that are usually explicit and those that are
usually implicit. Next, they should go through each list and rank order the rules in terms of
importance. At the top of each list should be those rules that cannot be broken if the
friendship is to survive. At the bottom of each list should be rules whose violations are
considered minor infractions.
6. When they have generated their explicit and implicit lists and ranked the rules with each,
have each group create a poster with their results (you should supply a large sheet of paper
and a felt marker if possible). Tape the posters to the wall around your classroom, and then
allocate a few minutes of class time to each group to present its “findings” to the rest of the
class. Make note of both similarities and differences across the groups, and use these to
generate discussion afterward.
In-Class Exercise B: Family Stories and Their Functions
1. This exercise encourages students to recall stories told in their own families and to identify
the function or functions those stories served. The exercise should be done in small groups of
two to four students.
2. At the start of the exercise, review with students two important characteristics of family
stories:
• Family stories are told and retold over long periods of time.
• Family stories convey an underlying message or moral about the family itself.
3. Next, ask each student in each group to choose one or more of the following functions that
family stories can serve:
• Explain how the parents met and formed a relationship.
• Convey the story of a child’s birth.
• Express a family’s history.
• Reinforce connections between and among different generations.
• Communicate what family members expect of each other.
• Relay how the family deals with adversity.
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4. For whichever function a student selects, that student should then relay to the group a family
story from his or her own family. The story could be from students’ families of origin or
from their families of procreation. After relaying the story, the student should explain to the
group how the story exemplifies the theme he or she selected and what other functions, if
any, he or she believes the story might have served in the family.
5. Some students may feel uncomfortable talking about their families. It is worth making
explicit to students at the beginning of the exercise that they needn’t disclose any family
stories they feel are especially sensitive or personal.
In-Class Exercise C: Defining the Family
1. This activity requires students to think about where they draw boundaries around the concept
of family. It is best done before discussing the definition of family in class, as it can be used
to generate such a discussion.
2. For this exercise, you will need one paper plate for each student and a large box of crayons or
colored markers, enough for each student to have two or three. Pass out the paper plates and
pass around the box of crayons or markers.
3. When each student is equipped with a plate and two or three crayons or markers, instruct the
students to “draw a picture of your family.” Give students approximately ten minutes in
which to do so.
4. It is important that you not provide any additional instruction. For instance, if students ask,
“Should we include just our immediate family or also extended family members?” you
should reply simply by repeating the instructions: “Draw a picture of your family.” The point
is for students to decide for themselves what to include in their pictures.
5. After sufficient time, ask for volunteers to share their pictures and describe whom or what
they included. Comment on patterns (e.g., “I see most people are including parents and
siblings, but no one has included grandparents,” “How many of you included a family pet in
your drawing?”)
6. Use the exercise to generate a discussion about how students made their decisions about
whom or what to include—that is, how they implicitly define “family.” You can then talk
about the challenges of defining “family” and address some of the approaches researchers
have taken.
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Out-of-Class Exercises
In-Class/Out-of-Class Exercise A: Benefits and Challenges of Work Friendships
1. This exercise encourages students to consider both the benefits and the challenges of
maintaining friendships in the workplace. The exercise is to be done alone or in pairs, and
has both in-class and out-of-class elements.
2. The out-of-class segment comes first. Working alone or in pairs, students should identify five
to ten adults who work full-time (those might be parents, teachers, neighbors, etc., but they
should not be people with whom the students work).
3. Students should interview each adult individually about his or her experiences with
friendships and social relationships in the workplace. Specifically, students should ask about
friendships with co-workers, superiors, subordinates, and clients, and encourage interviewees
to discuss both the benefits of those relationships and their challenges.
4. Working from their interview notes, students should prepare a visual presentation of their
findings for presentation in class. That might involve a video, a PowerPoint presentation, a
poster, a handout, or some other medium. For the in-class portion of the activity, students
(individually or in pairs) should present the results of their interviews with the rest of the
class and discuss what they learned about the benefits and challenges of workplace
friendships.
Out-of-Class Exercise B: What Makes a Marriage Work?
1. This activity encourages students to consider characteristics that are common to long-term
marriages. The activity can be done individually but also works well in small groups.
2. Students should begin by identifying two to four couples they know whose marriages have
lasted for at least 25 years (you can specify longer or shorter durations if you want, but the
point is to find long-term marriages). Students might start by considering marriages in their
own extended families.
3. Have students contact the spouses in those long-term marriages and conduct open-ended
interviews with them. Students should start the interviews by asking spouses to recall how
they first met and what they found attractive about each other. They might then ask the
spouses to characterize their marriage. Eventually, students should ask the spouses why they
believe their marriage has lasted for so long, and what advice they would have for young
couples who want to have a long-lasting marriage.
4. Across their interviews, students should take note of themes that emerge. What
characteristics did all or most of the couples mention? Students should try not to be
influenced their own preconceived notions about what makes a marriage work, so that they
are truly open to what the couples have to say.
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5. If the exercise is done individually, you might have students report their findings in a short
paper. If done in groups, you could also have each group prepare a poster of the results and
then present it to the class.
Out-of-Class Exercise C: Family Role-Play
1. In this exercise, students will write a script depicting their family’s discussion of an
important decision, and then analyze the script with reference to the role functions each
family member’s behavior is serving. Students should work individually to generate their
scripts.
2. Students should begin the exercise by identifying a family conflict. They can use a conflict
that was actually experienced by their own family or another family they know, or they can
contrive a conflict, or they can take a conflict portrayed in a movie or television show.
3. Once they have a conflict in mind, have students generate a script for how the conflict might
play out in their own family. Each script should start with the identification of the characters.
Encourage students to include at least four characters in their scripts, and recommend that
they use titles (Dad, Mom, Brother) in the script instead of their relatives’ actual names, to
protect identities.
4. Each script should be long enough to depict the family discussing the conflict and attempting
to come to some type of resolution (whether or not a resolution is actually reached). Every
family member should speak multiple times in the script. Encourage students to add
additional details to the script beyond the spoken lines, such as a description of a family
member beginning to yell or storming out of the room.
5. After the scripts are complete, have each student swap his or her script with another student.
When students have someone else’s script, they should read it carefully with an eye toward
identifying the family roles, or functions, that each family member is serving. You might
remind students of the four common roles Virginia Satir identified for family members in
conflict: blamer, placater, computer, distracter. Students should look carefully for those roles
but should not necessarily limit their search to those four, if others seem apparent.
6. Each student should write a paragraph about the script he or she is analyzing. The paragraph
should identify the role or roles served by each member of the family, and explain how each
family member is enacting those roles.