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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
Skills Building Exercises
Using Familiar, Short Words (LO1)
Instructions, Sentences 1-20: Assume that your readers are at about the 10th-grade level in education.
Revise these sentences for easy communication to this audience.
1. We must terminate all deficit financing.
2. We must endeavor to correct this problem by expediting delivery.
3. A proportionate tax consumes a determinate apportionment of one’s monetary inflow.
4. Business has an inordinate influence on governmental operations.
5. It is imperative that consumers be unrestrained in determining their preferences.
6. Mr. Sanchez terminated Kevin’s employment as a consequence of his ineffectual
performance.
7. Our expectations are that there will be increments in commodity value.
8. Can we ascertain the types of customers that have a predisposition to utilize our
instant-credit offer?
9. The preponderance of the businesspeople we consulted envisioned signs of improvement
from the current siege of economic stagnation.
10. If liquidation becomes mandatory, we shall dispose of these assets first.
11. Recent stock acquisitions have accentuated the company’s current financial crisis.
12. Mr. Coward will serve as intermediary in the pending labor-management parley.
13. Ms. Smith’s idiosyncrasies supply adequate justification for terminating her
employment.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
14. Requisites for employment by this company have been enhanced.
15. The unanimity of current forecasts is not incontrovertible evidence of an impending
business acceleration.
16. People’s propensity to consume is insatiable.
17. The company must desist from its deficit financing immediately.
18. This antiquated merchandising strategy is ineffectual in contemporary business
operations.
19. Percentage return on common stockholders’ equity averaged 23.1 for the year.
20. The company’s retained earnings last year exceeded $2,500,000.
Using Technical Words Appropriately (LO3)
21. From a scholarly business journal, select a paragraph (at least 150 words long) that
would be difficult for a student less advanced in the subject than you. Rewrite the
paragraph so that this student can understand it easily.
Selecting Concrete Words (LO4)
Instructions, Sentences 22-30: Revise these sentences to make them conform to the writing
suggestions discussed in the book.
22. We have found that young men are best for this work.
23. She makes good grades.
24. John lost a fortune in Las Vegas.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
25. If we don’t receive the goods soon, we will cancel.
26. Some years ago she made good money.
27. His grade on the aptitude test was not high.
28. Here is a product with very little markup.
29. The cost of the online subscription was reasonable.
30. There is only a little time left on our copier’s warranty.
Avoiding the Use of Incorrect Similar Words (LO5)
Instructions, Sentences 31-42: Some of the following are correct and some incorrect. Indicate which is
which and correct the problem sentences.
31. We have less than 25 registrants so far. (Incorrect)
32. I did not mean to infer that you had made a mistake. (Incorrect)
33. If you turn in you’re report by Friday, you can have Monday off. (Incorrect)
34. He is not adverse to your suggestion; he simply wants more information. (Incorrect)
35. You may have whichever computer you choose. (Correct)
36. The handbook offers advise on professional behavior. (Incorrect)
37. Please except my apologies. (Incorrect)
38. It’s time to remodel the break room. (Correct)
39. A complementary breakfast is included. (Incorrect)
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
40. Write in such a way that you elicit the response you want. (Incorrect)
41. The laptop needs its’ battery replaced. (Incorrect)
42. There is no reason why we should refund their money. (Correct)
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
Using Proper Idiom (LO5)
Instructions, 43-50: These sentences use faulty idioms. Make the changes you think are necessary.
43. The purchasing officer has gone in search for a substitute product.
44. Based off of the auditor’s report, I recommend that we invest more of our cash.
45. This strike was different than the one in 2000.
46. This letter is equally as bad.
47. She is an authority about mutual funds.
48. When the sale is over with, we will restock.
49. The service truck collided against the wall.
50. We have been in search for a qualified supervisor since August.
Limiting Use of Passive Voice (LO6)
Instructions, Sentences 51-57: Revise the following sentences to eliminate passive voice.
51. Our action is based on the assumption that the competition will be taken by surprise.
52. It is believed by the typical union member that his or her welfare is not considered to be
important by management.
important.
53. You were directed by your supervisor to complete this assignment by noon.
54. It is believed by the writer that this company policy is wrong.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
55. The union was represented by Cecil Chambers.
56. These reports are prepared by the salespeople every Friday.
57. If more information is desired, the customer service department can be contacted.
Avoiding Camou-aged Verbs (LO6)
Instructions, Sentences 58-68: Revise the following to eliminate camouflaged verbs.
58. It was my duty to make a determination of the damages.
59. Harold made a recommendation that we fire Mr. Shultz.
60. We will ask him to bring about a change in his work routine.
61. This new equipment will result in a savings in maintenance.
62. Will you please make an adjustment on this invoice?
63. Implementation of the plan was effected by the crew.
64. Approval of all orders must be made by the chief.
65. A committee performs the function of determining the award winner.
66. Adaptation to the new policy was performed easily by the staff.
67. Verification of the amount is made daily by the auditor.
68. The president tried to effect a reconciliation of the two groups.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
Avoiding Discriminatory Language (L07)
Instructions, Sentences 69-80: Change these sentences to avoid discriminatory language.
69. Any worker who ignores this rule will have his salary reduced.
70. The typical postman rarely makes mistakes in delivering his mail.
Good executives plan their daily activities.
72. The committee consisted of a businessman, a lawyer, and a lady doctor.
73. A good secretary screens all telephone calls for her boss and arranges his schedule.
schedule.
74. An efficient salesman organizes his calls and manages his time.
75. Two company representatives attended the conference: a Hispanic engineer and one of our
younger managers.
76. Three people applied for the job, including two well-educated black women.
job.)
77. These parking spaces are strictly for use by the handicapped.
78. He is one of the best gay designers in the city.
79. We recommend Mr. Sanchez, one of our oldest managers.
80. As a GenXer, she is very computer savvy.
Making Sentences Economical (LO8)
Instructions: Sentences 81-108: Revise the following sentences for more economical wording.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
81. In view of the fact that we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some profit.
82. We should see the prime lending rate increase in the near future.
83. I will talk to him with regard to the new policy.
84. The candidates who had the most money won.
85. There are many obligations that we must meet.
86. We purchased gloves that are lined with wool.
87. Mary is of the conviction that service has improved.
88. Sales can be detected to have improved over the last year.
89. It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary to correct the problem.
90. The chairperson is engaged in the activities of preparing the program.
91. Martin is engaged in the process of revising the application.
92. You should study all new innovations in your field.
93. In all probability, we are likely to suffer a loss this quarter.
94. The job requires a minimum of three years of experience.
95. In spite of the fact that they hadn't paid their previous bill, they placed another order.
96. We expect to deliver the goods in the event that we receive the money.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
97. In accordance with their plans, company officials sold the machinery.
98. This policy exists for the purpose of preventing dishonesty.
99. The salespeople who were most successful received the best rewards.
100. The reader will note that this area ranks in the top 5 percent in per capita income.
101. Our new coats are made of a fabric that is wrinkle-resistant.
102. Our office is charged with the task of counting supplies not used in production.
103. Losses caused by the strike exceeded the amount of $640,000.
104. This condition can be assumed to be critical.
105. Our goal is to effect a change concerning the overtime pay rate.
106. Mr. Wilson replaced the old antiquated machinery with new machinery.
107. We must keep this confidential information from being shared with others.
108. The consensus of opinion of this group is that Wellington was wrong.
Managing Sentence Content (LO8, LO9, LO10)
Instructions, Sentences 109-115 : Make these sentences more readable by breaking them up or
restructuring them.
109. Records were set Wednesday by both the New York Stock Exchange Composite Index,
which closed at 8,001.40, up 27.08 points, topping its previous high of 7,986.50, and
Standard & Poor’s 500 Index, which finished at 1,264.03, up 6.90, setting a five-day high.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
110. Reserving this property requires a $500 security deposit, which will be refunded unless
there is damage to the property or evidence that there has been smoking in the cottage or
a pet on the premises or if the reservation is canceled within 30 days prior to the rental
period.
111. The Consumer Education Committee is assigned the duties of keeping informed of the
qualities of all consumer goods and services, especially of their strengths and
shortcomings, of gathering all pertinent information on dealers’ sales practices, with
emphasis on practices involving honest and reasonable fairness, and of publicizing any of
the information collected that may be helpful in educating the consumer.
112. The upswing in business activity that began in 2013 is expected to continue and possibly
accelerate in 2014, and gross domestic product should rise by $544 billion, representing a
4 percent increase, which is significantly higher than the modest 2 percent increase of
2012.
113. As you will not get this part of Medicare automatically, even if you are covered by Social
Security, you must sign up for it and pay $88.50 per month, which the government will
match, if you want your physician’s bills to be covered.
114. Given our discussion yesterday, I have decided that you may choose either to take the
final exam or to have the paper for which you received your highest grade count as an
additional 15 percent of your course grade, but you must let me know in writing by May
1 which option you prefer.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
May 1.
115. Although we have not definitely determined the causes for the decline in sales volume for
the month, we know that during this period construction on the street adjacent to the
store severely limited traffic flow and that because of resignations in the advertising
department promotion efforts dropped well below normal.
department.
Wording Sentences Logically (LO10)
Instructions, Sentences 116-136: Revise the following to eliminate illogical and awkward wording.
116. Because the Swift Company has a service-oriented culture is the reason it supports all
forms of volunteerism.
117. On the night of your party, we experienced a rare occurrence with our seafood supplier
canceling at the last minute.
118. Our staff is among the best as we strive for the highest level of customer service.
119. Thank you for your feedback that will help us continue to improve.
120. The meeting room you have reserved has a projector, Internet access, and will enable your
attendees to hear the trainer easily.
121. As a five-star hotel, our guests’ satisfaction is our top priority.
122. Upon review of the facts, the problem was a short in the wiring.
123. This streamlined process will save us so much money.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
124. Depending on how you phrase your request will determine how the boss will respond.
125. In order to accommodate your request, please make your reservation by the end of
October.
126. On behalf of the management team, I appreciate your extra work on the project.
127. We need to know how many will attend, and please indicate their choice of entrée.
(Or: Please let us know how many will attend and their choice of entrée.)
128. As a member of the marketing staff, the best person to consult on this project is Allal.
129. During tomorrow’s staff meeting we will discuss our progress on the new ad campaign, and
how well the installation of the new software is going.
130. As far as phone-call monitoring, I believe we should try other methods first.
131. Through our research of three local charities we feel that each one would be a good one
to sponsor.
132. Each department will now have access to update your section of the website.
133. It is such a worthy cause, but I fear this nonprofit's website will not attract many donations.
134. This is an important message, but by placing it in a long paragraph, it is unlikely that
many people will read it.
135. As a 501(c) (3) organization, donations are tax deductible.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
136. You can volunteer to help with publicity, set up, clean up, or you can bring
refreshments.
Managing Information in Sentences and Paragraphs (LO9, LO10,
LO11)
137. Assume that you are the assistant manager of a hotel and are describing your hotel’s
meeting room to a prospective customer who is thinking of holding a seminar there.
Turn the following pieces of information into coherent writing, inserting paragraph
breaks where you think appropriate. Be ready to explain why you grouped the
information and managed the emphasis the way you did. You may need to add some
words or information to make the facts flow smoothly.
We have a meeting room.
It will be available on the date you request.
It can seat 100 people.
The seating can be arranged to your specifications.
It is quiet.
It is on the ground floor.
It is not near the guest rooms.
The lounge has live music on occasion.
The lounge is at the opposite end of the hotel from the meeting room.
The meeting room has a lectern.
It has a projector.
It has a screen.
It has a laptop hookup.
We can rent additional equipment.
We can rent it at no charge to you.
The charge for the room is $300.
This is the charge for one day.
One possible solution:
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
Managing Paragraph Focus (LO11)
Instructions, Paragraphs 138-142: Rewrite the following paragraphs in two ways to show different
placement of the topic sentence and variations in emphasis of contents. Point out the differences in
meaning in each of your paragraphs. (Of course, a number of possible arrangements exist for each
problem. Thus, the following solutions are only suggestions.)
138. Jennifer has a good knowledge of office procedures. She works hard. She has performed
her job well. She is pleasant most of the time, but she has a bad temper, which has led to
many personal problems with the work group. I cannot recommend her for promotion.
I approve a 5 percent raise for her.
139. Last year our sales increased 7 percent in California and 9 percent in Arizona. Nevada
had the highest increase with 14 percent. Although all states in the western region
enjoyed increases, Oregon recorded only a 2 percent gain. Sales in Washington increased
3 percent.
140. I majored in marketing at Darden University and received a B.S. degree in 2009. Among
the marketing courses I took were marketing strategy, promotion, marketing research,
marketing management, and consumer behavior. These and other courses prepared me
specifically for a career in retailing. Included, also, was a one-semester internship in
retailing with Macy’s Department Stores.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
141. Our records show that Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. The Penns have less
breakdown time. They cost more to repair. I recommend that we buy Penn motors the
next time we replace worn-out motors. The longer working life offsets Penn’s cost
disadvantage. So does its better record for breakdown.
142. Recently China ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States. Likewise,
Germany ordered a large quantity. Other countries continued to order heavily, resulting
in a dramatic improvement in the outlook for wheat farming. Increased demand by
Eastern European countries also contributed to the improved outlook for wheat farming.
follow.)
Using a Conversational Style (LO12)
Instructions, Sentences 1-10: Rewrite in conversational style.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
143. I hereby acknowledge receipt of your July 7 letter.
144. Please be so kind as to reply at your earliest possible convenience.
145. Attached please find receipt requested in your May 1st inquiry.
146. You are hereby advised to endorse the enclosed proposal and return it to the
undersigned.
147. This is to advise that henceforth all invoices will be submitted in duplicate.
148. In reply to your letter of July 13, permission to quote from our report is hereby granted.
149. Replying to your letter of the 3rd, we deem it a great pleasure to accept your kind offer to
serve on the committee.
150. Please be advised that, with regard to above invoice, a payment of $312 has been
credited to your account.
151. I am submitting under separate cover the report you requested.
152. Kindly advise the director as to your availability for participation in the program.
Using the You-Viewpoint (LO13)
Instructions, Sentences 153-166: Rewrite the following using you-viewpoint. You may need to add
additional material.
153. Company policy requires that you must submit the warranty agreement within two
weeks of sale.
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154. We will be pleased to deliver your order by the 12th.
155. We have worked for 37 years to build the best lawn mowers for your customers.
156. Today we are shipping the goods you ordered February 3.
157. (From an application letter) I have seven years of successful experience selling office
supplies.
158. (From an email to employees) We take pleasure in announcing that, effective today, the
Company will give a 20 percent discount on all purchases made by employees.
159. We are happy to report approval of your application for membership.
160. Items desired should be checked on the enclosed order form.
161. Our long experience in the book business has enabled us to provide the best customer
service possible.
162. So that we can sell at discount prices, we cannot permit returns of sale merchandise.
163. We invite you to buy from the enclosed catalog.
164. We give a 2 percent discount when payment is made within 10 days.
165. I am pleased to inform you that I can grant your request for payment of travel expenses.
166. We cannot permit you to attend classes on company time unless the course is related to
your work assignment.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
Rewriting for Positive Emphasis and Courtesy (LO14, LO15)
Instructions, Sentences 26-40: Underscore all negative words in these sentences. Then rewrite the
sentences for a more positive effect. Use your imagination to envision the situation for each:
167. Your misunderstanding of our January 7 email caused you to make this mistake.
.
168. We hope this delay has not inconvenienced you. If you will be patient, we will get the
order to you as soon as our supply is replenished.
169. We regret that we must call your attention to our policy of prohibiting refunds for
merchandise bought at discount.
170. Your negligence caused the damage to the equipment.
171. You cannot visit the plant except on Saturdays.
172. We were disappointed to learn from your July 7 email that you are having trouble with
our Model 7 motor.
173. Tuff-Boy work clothing is not made from cloth that shrinks or fades.
174. Our Stone-skin material is less weak than the fabric used by other brands.
175. Even though you were late in paying the bill, we still allowed the discount.
176. We were sorry to learn of the disappointing service you have had from our sales force,
but we feel we have corrected all mistakes with recent personnel changes.
177. We have received your complaint of the 7th in which you claim that our product was
defective and have thoroughly investigated the matter.
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Chapter 04 - Using an Appropriate Style
178. I regret the necessity of calling your attention to our letter of May 1.
179. We have received your undated letter which you sent to the wrong office.
180. I regret to have to say that I will be unable to speak at your conference, as I have a prior
commitment.
181. Do not walk on the grass.
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