3. Competing is satisfying one’s needs or desires with little or no concern for others’
desires or for one’s relationships. It is strongly assertive and uncooperative and is
typically characterized as a win–lose approach. It may be appropriate when quick and
decisive action must be taken to ensure one’s own or another’s welfare or safety. If one
partner uses competing and the other responds by avoiding or accommodating, the
conflict may seem to have resolved even though it has not. And if both partners engage
in competing, the conflict is likely to escalate. Although competing may result in
getting one’s way, when used repeatedly, it will usually hurt one’s partner and damage
the relationship.
4. Compromising occurs when each partner gives up part of what they desire to satisfy
part of what their partner wants. It is partially assertive and cooperative and is typically
characterized as a partial lose–lose approach. Neither partner is completely satisfied,
but it seems to be the best solution either can hope for. Compromising may be
appropriate when the issue is moderately important, when there are no time
constraints, when doing so will buy credits for future negotiations, and when attempts
at collaborating have not been successful.
5. Collaborating occurs when people work through a problem together to discover a
mutually acceptable solution. It is assertive and cooperative and is typically
characterized as a win–win approach. It may be appropriate when the issue is too
important for a compromise, when the relationship is important, and when one wants
to come up with a creative solution to a problem. Collaboration is usually done by
discussing the issues, describing feelings, and identifying the characteristics of a
solution that will satisfy everyone. REJ: Please see the section “Managing
Interpersonal Conflict” for more information.