66. Analyze the following email message for content, formatting, and email practices. Revise the message.
To: Staff
Subject: Changes
It has come to my attention that some of you apparently do not have enough work to keep yourselves busy. In the past six
months, since I assumed the position as your boss, I have observed many of you playing computer games, making
personal phone calls, and spending far too much time in personal conversations with each other. We have far too much
work in this department for all of you to waste time like this.
Effective immediately, the following changes will be enforced: (a) No personal use of the computer will be tolerated. (b)
No personal phone calls should be made except in case of an emergency. (c) Conversations must be limited to break time
and lunchtime, in the lunchroom only.
I expect your cooperation. Thank you.
Just a final reminder that we will have a staff meeting tomorrow at 3 p.m.
The analysis of the email is discussed below:
a. Subject line should be more detailed but not negative.
b. Tone of the email should not be harsh and condescending to avoid damage to morale and interpersonal relations.
c. Email should start by reminding staff of the busy workload, focusing on a positive team approach for accomplishing the
daily work.
d. Policy regarding personal use of computers and phones should be reviewed. Facts should be stated clearly to the staff,
but not in a harsh tone.
e. The staff meeting reminder should be sent in another email and not written as an afterthought to this email.
f. The email should preferably be sent as a confirmation of the changes, following discussion in a face-to-face staff
meeting.