Samples Essays and Commentary
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MELAB Sample Essays and Commentary 1
Contents
On the following pages are ten MELAB essays
representative of each score on the MELAB Writing
Rating Scale. Commentaries follow each sample
essay. A condensed version of the rating scale is
available on page 22.
Essay 1 Rating: 97 ……………………………………………2
Commentary ………………………………………..3
Essay 2 Rating: 93 ……………………………………………4
Commentary ………………………………………..5
Essay 3 Rating: 87 ……………………………………………6
Commentary ………………………………………..7
Essay 4 Rating: 83 ……………………………………………8
Commentary ………………………………………..9
Essay 5 Rating: 77 ………………………………………….10
Commentary ………………………………………11
Essay 6 Rating: 73 ………………………………………….12
Commentary ………………………………………13
Essay 7 Rating: 67 ………………………………………….14
Commentary ………………………………………15
Essay 8 Rating: 63 ………………………………………….16
Commentary ………………………………………17
Essay 9 Rating: 57 ………………………………………….18
Commentary ………………………………………19
Essay 10 Rating: 53 ………………………………………….20
Commentary ………………………………………21
MELAB Writing Rating Scale …………………………….22
MELAB Sample Essays and Commentary 2
Essay 1 Rating: 97
Technology has highly evolved over time. In fact, nowadays almost
everybody has some sort of machine at hand, be it computers, cars,
or even washing machines. But although machinery was devised to
benefit mankind, it has also brought along many flaws to match.
Firstly, when it comes to technological equipment such as
computers, disruption most often arises between the person using
the computer, and the household he or she is surrounded by, or
living with. For example, many old family traditions such as eating
meals with your relatives at the dining table seldom take place now
that one of the family members might be too busy working on his
Mac. laptop. Thus, family values and morals have changed in order to
adapt to this technological age.
Secondly, having many kinds of machinery at hand is not
only destroying family traditions, but is also very harmful to our
environment. Many people are careless about allowing their car
engines to run haphazardly, or leaving their laptops on for long
periods of time, however they do not seem aware of the fact that all
this energy and electricity consumption is dangerous to not only our
local environment, but to the world as a whole. Additionally, it is the
over-usage of machinery, big or small that is bringing our society ever
closer to Global Warming, and we must stop.
As I mentioned in my introduction, technological equipment was
never programmed to damage nature per se, but to help people
all around the globe. Now that nuclear families aren’t as closely
intact compared to the 1950s or 1990s, technology has given us an
alternative method to keep in touch with our relatives thanks to
computer applications such as Skype, or even cell phone applications
such as VIBER or WhatsApp. Machinery has most definitely done
wonders in our lives, and we as people should be grateful to easily
possess cars, and/or phones when poorer countries do not even have
the chance to.
However, with all the advantages machinery has brought to us all,
I personally believe that possessing too many cars or phones, or even
consuming too much of their energy and battery, is beginning to get
out of hand and needs to be controlled.
MELAB Sample Essays and Commentary 3
Commentary on Essay 1
The writing prompt this test taker wrote on was:
Machines now play an important role in most people’s lives. Computers, cars, and
household machines (such as washing machines) have become very common. What are the
advantages and disadvantages of having so many machines in people’s lives? Use specific
examples in your answer.
Essay 1 would be awarded a score of 97. It is a
polished piece of writing that thoroughly develops
the topic of the prompt, far beyond the superficial
level, and acknowledges its complexity.
Syntactic control is very strong in this essay. The
writer demonstrates consistent control over complex
and varied syntactic structures, and the response
is essentially error free. There is a wide range of
appropriately used vocabulary.
The essay is also very cohesive. The writer builds the
argument not through a reliance simply on the use of
mechanical transition markers, but in a much more
sophisticated way, developing each supporting point
richly and connecting the ideas together so that the
essay reads smoothly. It is very easy for the reader to
follow the development of the ideas in the text.
MELAB Sample Essays and Commentary 4
Essay 2 Rating: 93
It is true that medical doctors are health professionals whose roles are of
great importance in the society. They are usually educated and people generally
look up to them to take good care of their health issues. In fact, whether people
live or die depends to a very great extend on the doctors in charge of their health
situations, depending on how serious they are. Almost every one wants a doctor
that is vastly knowledgeable in the medical field, especially those with many years of
experience.
Although I agree that the level of education of a medical doctor is of much
importance for a doctor to be regarded as a “good medical doctor”, I am also of
the opinion that that is not the only criterion for a doctor to be regarded as a “good
medical doctor”. Character and the integrity of the person contribute to a large
extend. I am also of the view that a medical doctor should be a very responsible
person in the society because alot of people tend to emulate them. Young adults
usually look forward to becoming medical doctors in the future. That being the case,
they tend to copy the behaviours of medical doctors they know.
The country where I come from, Nigeria, where the health system has some
issues, some medical doctors who lack good character and do not care about their
integrity can, because a patient does not have enough money to pay their medical
bills, walk away from a dying patient. During oath taking, these doctors state that
they will put patients first before any thing, but some of them do not keep up with
this. Although I agree that doctors in the third world countries usually face some
challenges, I am still of the opinion that when it comes to saving a patient’s life, a good
medical doctor should always swing into action. In Canada, though I have stayed here
for just a year, I think many of their doctors can be regarded as “good doctors”
from the little I have seen.
In conclusion, I believe that a well educated doctor without a good character
and integrity and also without a passion to save lives is as good as a “bad doctor”
since, with his education but with love for money rather than love for his patient’s
lives, can still lead to the loss of lives.
Commentary on Essay 2
The writing prompt this test taker wrote on was:
Different people value different qualities in a medical doctor. Everyone wants a well-
educated and knowledgeable doctor, but what other qualities should a good medical doctor
have? Explain why these are important.
Essay 2 would be awarded a score of 93. The writer
has produced a lengthy and on-target response that
is very readable. The essay effectively addresses the
complexity of the prompt.
The writer employs an impressively wide range of
