Jordan Unterbrunner
Short Story Revision
Cover Page
The first and most minor changes I made to my work were the grammatical
corrections that my previous story needed. From here it was my goal to focus on
two things, dialogue and a more in-depth conclusion. I added much dialogue
between the teammates; specifically dialogue by the narrator, Uncle Drew, and
LeBob. Dialogue was also added of sports reporters to give the reader an
understanding of how even professionals doubted this team. The dialogue of LeBob
shows his persistent behavior of keeping the team confident in believing in
themselves and not giving up. I added a much longer conclusion that gave a look at
every game of the 7 game series, and specifically a detailed look at the final minute
and a half of the final game. This gives the reader a better understanding of how the
whole process went down and leaves nothing up for debate as my earlier work did.
The details of the final minute and a half of game 7 were added to show the intensity
of this time. The final product demonstrates my own artistic style by adding humor
by demonstrating the Cleveland Cavaliers as the Spiceville Cavs, Golden State
Warriors as the Warbirds, LeBron James as LeBob, and Kyrie Irving as Uncle Drew.
The humor added in changing up the names I believe gives a reader that has
knowledge of these people a funny twist to the 2016 NBA Finals while still leaving it
as an excellent storyline for a reader with no knowledge of the humor. My own
artistic values are also shown in the dialogue that I added between the players
showing not only humor but also intensity towards the goal at hand, an NBA Finals.
The Land
By: Jordan Unterbrunner
Spiceville is a city of 390,000 people, most of which are diehard sport fans for
their city’s teams. There was only one problem; their teams were not winning
championships in any sport. They were on a 52-year drought of no professional
sport bringing in a championship. Hopes were high in 2003 when the basketball
team, the Spiceville Cavs, had drafted a local kid out of high school, James LeBob.
LeBob was said to be the next big thing, people said he could be the best to ever play
professional basketball. In his early years he was good, really good. Spiceville was
hopeful that they would finally have a team that would bring home a championship.
LeBob took the Cavs to a championship in 2007, but fell just short to the Spurts. In
2010 LeBob left the Cavs to go play for another team. The town of Spiceville was
devastated. The man that they thought could end the drought had just abandoned
his own state. People rioted in the streets, broke shop windows, and burned Lebob’s
number 23 jerseys. The city was in shambles. Little did anybody know LeBob would
return home to play for the Cavs once more in 2015.
This is where I come into play. My name is Uncle Drew and I am not only the
Cav’s current point guard and teammate of LeBob, but he is also my best friend.
When he came back to play for us he called me up and I will never forget the
conversation.
“Yo, Uncle D what’s good.”
“Just got out of the shower, what’s up, king.”
“I was just thinking, we goin bring a damn title home to Spiceville. I know the
Warbirds are stacked, but we goin do it, Uncle D.”
“Can’t wait to get to work. I will see you in the gym tomorrow, let’s run it.”
I knew things were about to change around here after this conversation. The
seriousness in his voice when he said, “we goin bring a damn title home” could have
motivated a rock to win a championship for this town. Let me fill you in on the team
he referred to as the Warbirds. These guys were the favorites in 2015 to bring home
a title. They were three point snipers and played solid basketball as a unit. It was
going to be hard to beat them, but with LeBob I thought we might be able to do it.
The year went by fast, we won the East and of course the Warbirds won the West. It
