ABSTRACT
One of the most dramatic changes in demographics in the United States has been
the large increase in cohabitation over the last fifty years. Cohabitation, or living
together without marriage, is a dramatic significant change in the way many adults
in our country evolve from being single to being married. There is a common
misconception that cohabitating before marriage will improve the success of a
future marriage. Research shows that cohabitaters actually have poorer
relationship quality, less financial stability and more physical, mental, and
emotional health problems.
Cohabitation is replacing marriage as the first living-together experience for most
members of society within the United States. For the purposes of this paper
cohabitation is defined as living together in a sexual relationship without being
married. Marriage is defined as the state of being united to a person of the
opposite sex as husband or wife, in a consensual and contractual relationship
recognized by law. For many young adults that are coming of age during the
“divorce revolution,” cohabitating seems like the best way to get some of the
benefits of being married without the risk of a future divorce (Popenoe and
Whitehead 2000A).
In 1960, of the 52,799,000 households in the United states, only 439,000 were
comprised of unmarried couples (Internet Cite A 2011). In 1996, there were about
four million unmarried opposite-sex couples cohabitating in the United States. This
number was almost seven times the number of couples that had been cohabitating
during the 1970 census only twenty-five years earlier (Cohan and Kleinbaum
2002). By the year 2000, there were 4,736,000 unmarried cohabitants in the
United States (Internet Cite A 2011).
This paper will discuss why many people choose to cohabitate instead of getting
married first. It will look at the differences in relationship quality, financial stability,
and physical, emotional and mental health between couples who cohabitate
instead of or before getting married and those who marry before living together. It
will also explore why couples decide to cohabitate and the pros and cons of
cohabitation.
One noted advantage of cohabitation is that couples who live together can
share expenses while also learning more about each other. If things don’t work
out, then it is easy to dissolve the relationship because they do not have to seek
any religious or legal permission. Contrary to the beliefs of most cohabitants,
living together is not a proper way to prepare neither to get married nor to avoid a
divorce. Compared to married couples, couples that choose to live together before
getting married tend to report poorer relationship quality, less psychological
wellbeing as well as less financial wellbeing. Cohabitating relationships and the
marriages that may follow them tend to last for shorter periods of time than
relationships where the couple does not live together before marriage (Heritage
Foundation 2011). Cohabitation violates the institute of marriage because it lacks
a true commitment between the couple.
RELATIONSHIP QUALITY
There is a common misconception that cohabitation will somehow improve the
quality of a subsequent marriage. To understand why this is not true one must first
look at the differences in relationship quality between married and cohabitating
couples and also seek and explanation as to why couples choose to cohabitate
before marriage in the first place.
While many couples say they cohabitate to lower the cost of living and for
convenience, there are other reasons that the majority of adults lists to explain
why they choose cohabitation. One of the main reasons people choose to
cohabitate is that they want to test their compatibility with each other (Larson
2001). Many people who cohabitate want to see if they think the relationship would
work if they were to get married. They believe that by living together, they will be
able to spend more time with one another and get to know each other better.
Those who are planning on getting married soon may see this time together as a
“trial marriage.” Living together lets them see what each other’s habits and
character are like on a day-to-day basis (Internet Cite A 2011). This also gives the
couple an easy way to disengage and go their separate ways if things don’t work
out.
Research has shown that cohabitating couples are more likely to separate and
less likely to reconcile after separation than married couples. Cohabiting couples
are nearly eight times more likely to separate due to a disagreement than married
couples within the first year of the relationship. During the second year of the
relationship they are nearly four times more likely to separate and by the third year
cohabitating couples are three times more likely to separate than married couples
(Heritage Foundation 2011). According to the Heritage Foundation, “Cohabitating
couples had a separation rate five times that of married couples, and following
separation, cohabitating couples had a rate of reconciliation that was one-third that
of married couples” (2011:1). One study showed that living together before
marriage increased the couples risk of divorce by forty-six percent (Popenoe and
Whitehead 2000A).
Not all cohabitating couples have the intentions of getting married in the
future. Those cohabitating couples without plans to marry in the future tend to
report poorer relationship quality than married couples (Heritage Foundation
2011). According to the brief titled “Cohabitation vs. Marriage: How Love’s
Choices Shape Life Outcomes” cohabitating couples reported, “…more fights and
violence, lower levels of fairness, and less happiness in their relationships”
(2011:1-2).
Cohabitating couples are also twice more likely to experience infidelity in the
