English 1301
Mr.Bernal Solis 1
Erica Solis
4th period Happiness
When I was a child I remember my biggest pain was skinned knees and broken arms, I
didn’t know what real pain left like. My childhood was blissful at first, however slowly over time
it became more and more difficult. I didn’t know about the America Dream until one day my
father was coming home from a long day at work. I asked him why he worked so hard if we were
somewhat stable, he simply replied without a second thought, “I’m just trying to reach the
‘America Dream’.” I was always told that happiness was more important than money. In
hindsight, I now know my father didn’t work hard for money, he worked hard because he wasn’t
happy with the life he was giving us. He strived to give us the best and if that meant working
from 3am to 6pm then that’s what he did. My parents were divorced before I was born, however
they were always around for me, no matter what. Despite most stereotypes, my parents being
separated never negatively affected my upbring. They would always tell us, “We get along better
now that we’re divorced, than we did when we were married.” The real source of most of my
problems was the deep dislike I had and have for myself.
It started when my grandfather passed away, he always protected me from the bullies and
everyone who meant me harm. When he left this earth, it felt like I was vulnerable to any attack.
So I prompted and prepared for anything, I opted to join sports because jocks never get bullied
and it meant I could lose weight which was why everyone bullied me at all. However, this
quickly became a problem. I became obsessed with my weight and what the bathroom scale
showed me everyday. I worked out everyday and ate little to nothing, I trained my stomach to
survive days without real food. I would drink water when I was hungry or paint my nails, I
couldn’t eat till the nail polish was dry. I learned ways to pile my food on my plate and then
gently press down to make it look like I had eaten. My mother would lift my plate and say,
Solis 2
“Tuviste una práctica difícil, comiste casi toda tu comida,” I would smile and nod to please her.
No one knew what I was doing to myself. I used to love the feeling of drinking water on an
empty stomach, feeling the water slip all the way down and fall into “the well.” However, after
almost two years of this, it eventually came out. I was playing point guard in a basketball game
and I felt dizzy very suddenly, I couldn’t breath and I felt weak. As soon as I stepped off the
court, I fainted and I couldn’t respond. The coaches called an ambulance and I was rushed to the
hospital and I was weighing in at 100 pounds when I should have been weighing at least 115. My
family immediately took action and began to monitor my eating habits and be more watchful of
me and my health.
However, this was not the only kind of self mutilation I did to myself, along with the
starving I also self harmed. It started small, it almost felt like therapy. I was at a point in my life
