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Ghieza Mae Byron
Instructor Miller
ENG100-40
Task 3 – Draft 1
April 21, 2021
Breaking from a Broken Family
How do you leave a culture that is both the source of your knowledge of love and also
your abuser? In the TEDx Talks “Family Secrets,” Tulay Akoglu, an 18-year-old
Japanese-Turkish American from New York, argues that culture has been used as an excuse
for abuse within the family to normalize it. According to Akoglu, bystanders “excuse bad
behavior because we assume that people do not know any better or that we have no right in
commenting on other cultures values,” which allows the behavior to continue. No one wants
to believe it could happen to them. “We believe that because we have condemned it we are
immune to it” (Akoglu, 3:51). Westover does not approve of how she is treated, but
welcomes the abuse nonetheless. Westover has to continuously make-believe she is not being
abused, or blame herself for how her family treats her. In the TEDx Talks “Family Secrets”
Akoglu demonstrates culture that within a family is probably the most hard cycle to break
when it comes to abuse, because our abuser is supposed to be our source of love like in the
book “Educated” where Tara Westover’s family is abusive towards her, also much like what I
feared would happen to me, but did not happen in my family.
Akoglu talks about to murder of her cousin and how it was ignored by her family,
while Westover ignores all the abuse she suffers as if it is not happening or did not happen.
Akoglu supports this claim by first sharing a story about how her cousin was murdered in
public by her husband, but even though everyone knew what he did her cousin’s husband was
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never punished, because of the culture in Turkey. “We excuse bad behavior because we
assume that people do not know any better or that we have no right in commenting on other
cultures values” (Akoglu, 4:55). Westover seems to ignore her family’s behavior, because she
doesn’t know any other way. Westover knows how her family is, but has never been around a
normal family, therefore can not see the way things are rationally. When I was growing up I
found that a lot of friends married abusive men, and I feared this would happen to me.
Because I am Catholic I do not believe in divorce, therefore if I were to marry an abusive
man I would be trapped. Divorce is not even a legal option in the Philippines. I feel lucky that
this did not happen to me, because I would not want to live like that. I think we need true
loved ones to survive.
Westover doesn’t have anyone to step up and save her, while Akoglu describes how it
